The Paddle Machine

When my Aunt Mary used to babysit us when we were kids she had a game that we loved to play (boy, were we stupid!). It was called "the paddle machine". Basically it was the same thing as an Indian running the guantlet except it was the kiddie version.

We loved this game. Of course it sucked to be the one crawling through the gauntlet but it was worth it once you got to the end of the line and got to do some beating yourself. Here's how it went. We would all line up in a row and spread our legs wide apart. Then one kid would crawl through the tunnel and while they were crawling the rest of us would beat the living daylights out of that poor, unfortunate child. When you got to the end you would stand up and join the line and commence to beating the crap out of the next kid.

What were really bad were what we called "roadblocks". Roadblocks would happen when the kid doing the crawling was too big to fit through the kid's legs who were doing the beating. So they would get stuck. As long as you were stuck, trying your best to wedge yourself through that too small opening, it was legal for the other kids to keep beating you unmercifally. It was a brutal game for brutal kids.

I have to point out that my Aunt Mary denies participating in this game. What I remember is that she actually invented the game. Of course, somebody older and meaner than her probably taught it to her and she just took it on down the line. That's the way we did stuff back then. It was all in fun, believe it or not.

I consider her denial to be the same kind of denial that my mom and dad used to give when they said that they never whipped us! I would dearly love to know who was whipping our asses with a belt (or whatever) all the time. That person sneaking in our house and disguising themselves as our parents should be prosecuted!

To all those people who are into spanking and stuff like that, I will never understand you. You must not have had the kind of whippin's that we did when we were kids!

"have you been dreaming of the day?"

One morning after spending the night at Sis's house I woke up to find Alexis, her 5 year old, playing in bed beside me. I didn't think anything about it and I dozed back off. I woke up again a short time later she was still there and it dawned on me that she was supposed to be in school. I shook myself awake and I asked her, "Alexis, why aren't you in school today?"

Here was her dreamy reply and she had such a look of bliss on her face that I was taken aback. "Have you just been dreamin' of the day - when you didn't have to go to work - and I didn't have to go to school - and we could just play all day." Then she looked at me with the smile of a pure angel.

I realized that I had been paid probably the highest compliment that a 5 year old could pay me and I smiled and told her "yes, I've been dreaming of the day" after which I flopped back on my pillow and groaning to myself internally. I had REALLY wanted to sleep in that day. But I rousted myself out of bed and I took her to breakfast and we had a glorious day.

Two Faced Kitten Born

EYEWITNESS ONLINE WEBCAST VIDEO C L I C K T O P L A Y

Six kittens were born yesterday in Charleston, but one in the litter looks very different from his brothers and sisters.
He has been named Two Face, and the reason is obvious.
The kitten has four eyes, two noses and two mouths.
When he was born, no one was sure if he would live but the kitten has been nursing with the rest of the litter.
The condition is called Diprosopus and is rare in animals.
In most cases, the animal does not survive.
So far, little Two Face is beating the odds.

Smackdown!

One time I was pulled over in my "limo".

(The limo was a dodge colt that I bought for 200 dollars. It had the passenger seat pulled out so we could haul greyhounds in it. That meant that everywhere we went either Bobby or I had to be in the back seat!)

It was 4:30 in the morning and I was late for work. I passed a car in a no passing zone and I was also speeding. I guess I should mention that I had taken the tag off of another car of mine and put it on the limo. I did however have the proper title.

That poor policeman came up to my car to get my information. Since it was 4:30 am the mosquitos were out pretty heavy and the whole time he was questioning me he had to beat himself to death with his flashlight because he was trying to kill those merciless mosquitos. I felt sorry for him, but it was still funny - watching him smack himself to death with that flashlight.

He told me that the tag was not registered to my vehicle (which I knew) but I pointed out to him that it was indeed registered to me. I gave him the title of the car which showed the car was actually mine. He matched the two together and informed me that it was illegal for me to take the tag off of one car and put it on the other without first registering the tag.

This is where I let the "dumb blonde act" take over. I looked him right in the eye and said, "But I bought that tag myself. It's mine. I paid for it with my own money!" I said it with every ounce of innocence that I could muster. I knew full well I couldn't legally do that since I had done plenty of title and license work for my dad. Well the policeman's jaw dropped wide open and practically hit his chest and my husband flopped down in the back seat with a loud groan.

As the policeman walked away shaking his head to write me a ticket, Bobby started yelling at me telling me that we were toast. I just laughed. When the policeman came back with the ticket (it was only a ticket for improper passing) I was sooo grateful. He started to tell me that I could contest the ticket but I stopped him and told him that it wouldn't be necessary because I was the happiest person that he ever written a ticket! I KNEW that he was letting me out of hundreds of dollars worth of them.

The end

THANK YOU MR. POLICEMAN

One time I had a flat. I jumped out of my truck to change it and I quickly saw that I didn't know how to get the spare out. It turns out it was under the truck and you had to use a tool to get it down but I had never seen that before. I started walking to the nearest pay phone which was about a mile away. After a couple of hundred yards a policeman stopped and asked me if I needed help. I told him I had a flat and I was walking to the phone to call my husband. He was nice enough to offer to drive me to the pay phone.

As I got in the car he told me not to lock the door, but of course it locked automatically because I was in the back of a police car. So that meant he had to get out and open the door for me so I could make my phone call. I called and left a message for my husband at work and the policeman took me back to my truck. I thanked him for the ride and told him that my husband would be there in an hour or so. He was in the middle of turnout and couldn't leave right when I called. Turnout is when you let all the greyhounds outside at once. There are usually between 50 and 100 of them and you NEVER leave them unattended.

When he heard that he went over and started to change the tire himself. I thanked him profusely and assurred him that I didn't mind waiting for my husband but he told me that it wasn't safe for me to be out alone. (This was in Loxahatchee, Florida - swamp country) He changed the tire for me and I went on my merry way.

SO THANK YOU MR. POLICEMAN

six names you go by (another quiz)

SIX NAMES YOU GO BY (this is not easy!):

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> 1. Pam

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> 2. Pammie

> 3. Pamala

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> 4. pambella

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> 5. Damnpamn

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> 6. Sweetie

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>

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> THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:

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> 1. Shirt

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> 2. Shorts

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> 3. Crocs

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> THREE THINGS YOU WANT VERY BADLY AT THE MOMENT

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>

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> 1. good health

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> 2. pizza

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> 3. Money

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> THREE PEOPLE WHO WILL SEND THIS Back to

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> 1. Betsy

> 2. Weewa

> 3. Pam

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>THREE THINGS YOU DID LAST NIGHT

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>1. slept

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>2. watched Harold and Kumar go to White Castle (now I know why everybody is eating those sliders)

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>3. Talked to Eddie

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>THREE THINGS YOU DISLIKED TODAY

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>1. 2 dr. appts.

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>2. Having a headache

>3. Being Broke

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> TWO PEOPLE YOU LAST TALKED TO ON THE PHONE:

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>1. Brennan (guy at work)

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>2. Necia

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TWO THINGS YOU ARE GOING TO DO TOMORROW:

> 1. rest

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> 2. license truck

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>THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE DRINKS:

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>1. water

>2. pepsi

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>3. crystal light

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Honda Ray!

That was my sister's nickname (our version of Rhonda). She excelled at all sports. She was so good at basketball that they banned her from shooting hoops at the local amusement park(Camden Park). They said she was taking too many of the prizes.

That's pretty good considering that she was shooting with an oversized ball into an undersized hoop!

When she got into high school she set a state record for the female shotput and several other girls sports. Too bad that was before they started awarding athletic scholarships to women (with few exceptions). She could have potentially changed the face of female college sports a whole generation sooner.

Camden Park

West Virginia's only Amusement Park

My Aunt Wanda took us for the first time when we were kids and from then on we were hooked. It is big enough to be fun and small enough so that you didn't spend endless hours waiting in line.

We went countless times after that and I have taken all my nieces and nephews and friend's kids and my stepdaughters (when I had them). They had the same television commercial for most of my life and my twin stepdaughters were featured in in when they were about 3 years old. (before I came into the picture)

I think our record for riding the "Big Dipper" is like 27 times in a row. We would jump off the rollercoaster as soon as it stopped and race back around to the entrance and if we were lucky (and a lot of times we were) we would be able to get right back on the next car and do it all over again. It is (and always has been) a rickety wooden rollercoaster. It starts off slow and then you dive into a tunnel which brings you out to the "big" dropoff. It is most fun in the back car because you kinda jump in the air just as you start over the top of the hill and drop back down again.

No trip is complete with out riding "cloud 9" and "the spider" and smashing into each other 9 or 10 times on the bumper cars. The haunted house is silly but you do go pretty fast, zipping around the curves in the light and dark.

The train used to have a real buffalo and a Settler and Indian Battle going on. It also circles the amphitheater where they bring in "Big Name" acts for Memorial Day and the 4th. of July.

They used to have the best Pronto Pups (corndogs) but they did away with them unfortunately. Anyway the place has good memories and it still brings good memories to families today. When I lived in Huntington my stepdaughters would beg us to take them and just leave them for the day. They had a ball. and you didn't have to worry about them getting into trouble back then like you do today.

Another Lucid Dream

There was a man in my dream.

I looked at him and I thought "if I'm dreaming he will turn into a wolf"

He turned into a wolf after several different changes along the way.

end of dream

My Favorite Picture of Me

I remember the day this picture was made. I was in the third grade. As my mom was getting me ready for school that day she told me to make sure the photographer had me sit a little sideways.

Now that I'm older I know she meant for me to face a little to the side in the typical photographer's pose of the time. However "I" thought she meant for me to sit sideways and no amount of cajoling from the photographer or my teacher could convince me otherwise. Finally they got tired of fooling with me and just took the picture.

I remember thinking I didn't have to smile because "you wouldn't be able to see it in the picture anyway."

When my mom got the picture she wanted to know why in the world I took a profile shot. I reminded her that she was the one who wanted me to sit sideways. I didn't understand what the big deal was. I had done what my Mommy had told me to do afterall.

My Alice in Wonderland Dress

This is my 4th. grade picture. I used to call this my Alice in Wonderland Dress. I loved it. It was my favorite dress. The skirt was a floral print and it had a white lacey apron to match the sleeves. I truely felt like Alice in Wonderland. I'm sure my mom probably had me wearing lacey anklets and black patton leather shoes as well.

I ripped it on the slicky slide on the playground. The tear was so bad that I had to put on my gymsuit to finish school that day. There was no fixing it.

Me and Rhonda Sucked Out to Sea!

were swimming next to the Jacksonville Pier. I was 13 or 14 and she was 10 or 11. We were in water about to my chest when all of a sudden the bottom dropped out of the ocean! Not only did the sand just slide out from under our feet but the current was so strong that it was literally sucking us out to sea (and probably under water too!)

Fortunately I was on the very edge of this riptide and when I made one mighty leap in response to being sucked out to sea I managed to grab Rhonda's arm. When I landed I was on solid ocean ground! It took all my strength to pull her toward me and once she was safe we both struggled as hard as we could to shore.

If the water would have been any deeper on us we would have drowned that day. I have meant to ask her about that day several times in our life, but I never seem to think about it when I see her.