"Flying Needles! It's Flying Needles! Everybody Hide, It's Flying Needles!"

We used to run through the yard jumping and screaming and hopping and skipping and holding our butts everytime we saw the flying needles. Flying needles were jets in the sky. You know the ones, you see them everyday with the jet stream behind them. The game was you would get a shot in the behind if you didn't hide - so we hid.

When we were kids we used to pretend they were flying needles and we would hide behind the garage and under trees and the porch - whatever the nearest hiding place was until we would look in the sky and they would be gone.

It only took about a minute for them to cross the horizon in Southern West Virginia. Where I am from the mountains are so close together that the jets would pass out of sight almost immediately leaving a trail of smoke behind them.

I happened to look into the sky today and I was reminded that the jets with their streams behind them still look like a needle and thread crossing the sky.

It was just a silly way to pass a little time as a kid.

I was having a good day until...

I went to the community room just for a change of scenery from my apartment. I have to rest today because I am working tonight. Have to conserve my energy. Several people stopped to chat and everything was fine until one lady came in and she had just sprayed perfume all over herself. I had to ask her to leave. But it was too late the damage had already been done. She was very nice about it because she is on oxygen too and she understands. Her problem is aparently not as severe as mine.

It strangled me. Now I am back upstairs on my bipap and oxygen trying to clear my lungs before I have to go to work. They are relaxing. They were kind of spasming, trying to clear the fumes out. I could do an inhaler but it makes me crazy and I avoid it if at all possible. Oxygen seems more natural to me than the chemicals in the inhaler somehow.

That is one of the few things I miss. Scented candles, good perfumes (not cheap ones!) and roaring fires. I can't tolerate the smoke from a fire. Even scents that smell good cause me to have breathing issues. Cigarettes are intolerable...even outside.

I live in a completely scent free world.. a little touch of vanilla would be nice now and then.

I Got Religion?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhSdOtyERuI

I posted this video as an example of what when on in church on that particular day that this blog is about. I do not post it to be disrespectful...just an example. The video is actually a mild version of what I saw....

I went to church once with a boyfriend and his family when I was 19 years old. It was a small country church the likes of which thousands dot the appalachian landscape. We went inside and there were around 20 people there of all ages and sizes. I sat in the back and watched as the preacher got wound up. He was preaching and praying and they had a band playing on the side and the congregation was getting just as wound up as he was. Finally there were 2 or 3 people on the floor speaking in tongues and everybody was dancing except for me and one other lady. I sat there mesmerized - I had never seen such a thing!

In the middle of all this chaos the other woman gets up to go to the restroom behind me. She comes back and I see that her dress is tucked up inside of her girdle. She was a large woman and the whole wide expanse of her backside was there for the world to see. She sat back down a few pews in front of me. I was relieved and I was going to discreetly make my way to her when the service was over so that I could prevent further embarrassment for her. THIS WAS NOT TO BE!

All of a sudden she "feels the spirit" and goes sprinting to the front of the church and now in the midst of the preacher ranting full force and the band playing and the people on the floor shouting to the Lord and everybody dancing there is this 250 pound woman twirling around with her dress tucked in her girdle and her giant white ass dancing before the congregation. I LOST IT! IT WAS ABSOLUTELY THE FUNNIEST THING THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN. THERE ARE NOT WORDS IN THE ENGLISH VOCABULARY TO DESCRIBE HOW INCREDIBLY FUNNY IT WAS. I had to go out to my car and wait for the service to end because I could NOT control my laughter. I still feel guilty to this day but there was nothing I could have done to prevent the situation.

Recipe for Congestive Heart Failure at a Young Age

When you get Congestive Heart Failure at a young age you have to review your life and see what you have done to contribute to getting such a disease. So here is a "brutally honest with myself" list of how I have lived my life to get CHF at the age of 44. By the way I'm 49 now. I have outlived both my doctor's and the US government's estimations of how long I would live. This is directly because of the US government determining that I was eligible for disability and the changes I made in my lifestyle. I am light years better than I was 5 years ago even though I will never be 100% again.

The doctors say my CHF is due to sleep apnea. My veins and arteries are fine. My cholesterol levels are good - not perfect, mind you, good.

But what about my life got me to this point with not even a mild case of CHF - it is advanced?

1. Work somewhere between 70 to 90 hours a week. When you get off work party hard and play harder. Get somewhere between 3 to 5 hours a night sleep, to catch up, sleep all day about once a month. Do this for about 20 years.

2. Eat basically only meat and drink Pepsi for your entire adult life.

3. Smoke pot around the clock for 15 to 20 years and dabble in various other drugs. Cocaine and drugs that require needles are not necessary. (I am deathly afraid of needles) Prescription pill abuse is enough. Various pain pills, muscle relaxers and nerve pills will do. A 2 year period of tea and acid around the age of 20 probably contributed. No cigarettes what so ever although I was around a tremendous amount of second hand smoke. So much for pot smoking not hurting you.

4. Have a job you love like training greyhounds. Physical fitness is required. No sleep is also required. If I went more than 6 hours without going to the kennel (day or night) then I missed something I needed to do I was around an extreme amount of dust and dirt in the kennels, as well as pet dander, plenty of fecal matter too. The kennels were clean but I am the one who usually cleaned them.. I loved it though and I wish I could still do it.

5. Sex on average of twice a day for most of your adult life. (Good sex not "let's get it over with sex!") Don't know what this had to do with it but thought I would throw it in there.

6. Quit all these vices cold turkey. Keep eating like your job is physically demanding even though the job is sedentary work 70 to 80 hours per week. This is when I noticed I never slept. People around me noticed it as well. I told my doctors but they always seemed to shrug it off.

7. I personally think this is the biggest factor because I started noticing problems after starting this shot. Go on the Depo-Provera Birth Control Shot. I had an echocardiogram in 1999 that was completely normal. I started this shot in 2001. By 2006 my heart was shot! But if I had it to do over I would take the shot again because life with no periods is heavenly.

8. My divorce. I used to wonder how anyone could survive the pain of the break up of a marriage. I mean the actual physical pain to your heart. I believe a broken heart sometimes can't be fixed.

9. No support from family. They say family support is crucial in life. I wouldn't know because I never had any in my adult life. Let me add that I have had minimal support since being sick. I am not talking about just financial support either.

10. I was always slightly overweight. However I was in better physical shape than most women until my late 30's. I was invincible, I thought.

Do these things and you too can retire at the age of 44 on a measly Social Security check with no hope for the future of getting any better. Be happy to lie in bed all day and watch TV because you are too tired to get up and cook something.

I GUESS She Told Them

I just came back from the grocery store. There were two middle eastern men following me all the way down the first aisle. I went around them and waited on them and just generally tried my best to shop around them but I was getting quite irritated. Especially when it became quite obvious that they were watching every move I made and intentionally getting in my way.

I looked up when I finally made it to the end of the aisle to see an older middle eastern lady standing there giving them one hard look. As I went by she let fly something in a middle eastern dialect but I could tell that she was expressing EXTREME displeasure. I don't believe it was directed at me, it was directed at the two men.

I was left alone to continue my shopping from that point on.

The Funniest Thing to Ever Happen at the Beach

The funniest thing that ever happenned at the beach was when my 12 year old nephew had come down from West Virginia and we took him to the beach for the first time. He was so scared that he wouldn't even let the foam from the waves touch his toes.

Anyway a fat, old man wearing a thong walked by and believe me he had no business wearing such a thing! Dwayne laid down in the sand laughing so hard he was hysterical and pointing at the man. I desperately tried to no avail to stop him from such a public display of mirth because I was afraid the man would hurt us (even though he deserved the laughter). Anyway the man walked past us at first but then he turned around and started back toward us. It was obvious that he was pissed! I desperately tried to shut Dwayne up (the child had never seen anything like it). I was gratedful when the man turned around about 15 feet from us. I guess he had seen how desperately I was trying to control the situation because he turned around!

I was relieved beyond words.

National Wear Red Day is Today

It is to show support for women's heart disease research. I have heart failure. Here is what a typical bad day is for me. When things are going well I have a couple of bad days a month. When things are bad, well....I take each day as it comes.

4 a.m. - take fluid pill

4 a.m. to 7 a.m. - go to bathroom about 5 times. On a bad day just lay back down and even sleep between trips. On a good day get the dishes and trash and such done.

7 a.m. - sleep ( I think the meds put me back to sleep about that time) I take them early so the effects will be over before I start my day.

9 a.m. to 10:30 a.m. - wake up, bathroom again, perform my day's toilette

11:30 - meds again - lunch (buffer for meds)

force myself to go out and do some sort of errand. On a bad day just go back to bed and hope I feel better later in the day.

2 - I watched One Life to Live for 30 years. Trying to figure that one out now. Nap most days

3 p.m. - wake up, hope I feel like getting out of the house. I seem to have a 3 p.m. reset button in my body. I think it is from all those years in the dog business. During winter I try to do something outside because this is the warmest time of day. I can't breathe if the temperature is below 32 or over 90. Then I confine my activities to indoor. On a bad day I just lay down some more.

5 p.m. - work 2 or 3 days a week until 9 p.m.

9 p.m. - come home completely exhausted even if we weren't busy.

10 p.m. - meds again, eat again or meds will kill my stomach.

11:30 p.m. - sleep, hopefully until 4 but not usually

me on a bad day..................................................

How long does a groundhog live anyway?

They said Punxsatawney Phil had been predicting the end of winter for the past 128 years. That seems unlikely to me. But we did have a groundhog in my hometown of Logan, West Virginia that lived at the mouth of the park for most of my life.

I don't ever remember taking a trip to the park when I was a kid without seeing that groundhog. He lived at the mouth of the park on the left side of the road in a very pretty grass filled, shaded area. You didn't even have to look for him. He was just there in plain site. Sometimes there would be a baby but there was always a groundhog there.

He/she was there throughout my childhood, my teenage years and my early adulthood when I spent almost every day at the park cooking out and hiking through the woods. I can even remember seeing the groundhog after I moved back from Florida and I was in my early 30's then.

I think I was in my 40's before I started to miss the groundhog. It hasn't been there for a few years now, but I miss it everytime I drive through the park. He was a fixture through out my childhood and it seems like something is missing when I visit and don't see that groundhog.

What About YIou? Stolen from SeaNymph who took it from Gayle

-What is your favorite season and why?

- If you could live in any other time period what would it be?

- Do you love a particular planet or constellation or planet?

- ~ What is your favorite season, and why?

~ If you could live in any other time period, when?

~ Do you love a particular planet or constellation?

- Do you believe in heaven and what does it look like?

- What would be in your personal time capsule?

If you could come back as an animal what would it be and why?

Who are your 12 fantasy part guests ?

- what do you want to be doing when you die?

West Virginia Ends Year with a 5.4 million Dollar Surplus

They have ended the year with a surplus for the past several years. One of the few states in the country to do so. Maybe people should pay more attention to what is actually going on here instead of making fun of the state.

Go Red for Heart Disease

I have heart failure. Here is a picture of me and what it is to live with heart disease.

THE GREAT GOLF CART INCIDENT

MY NEPHEW LOVES THIS STORY BECAUSE HE IS THE ONE WHO NEARLY KILLED ME!

WHEN HE WAS AROUND 10 YEARS OLD I WAS VISITING AND HE WANTED TO TAKE ME FOR A RIDE ON HIS GOLF CART. I HAPPILY WENT OUT WITH HIM AND GOT INTO THE CART WITH HIM. HE PROCEEDED TO CAREEN RECKLESSLY AROUND THE YARD LIKE WE WERE IN MR. TOAD'S WILD RIDE!

I AM A DAREDEVIL AT HEART BUT I WAS ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE THAT WE WERE GOING TO TURN OVER AT LEAST 2 OR THREE DIFFERENT TIMES. THE MORE I SCREAMED AT HIM TO STOP THE FASTER HE WENT(LAUGHING CRAZILY ALL THE WHILE)USUALLY TURNING CORNERS ON 2 WHEELS MOST OF THE TIME. AT LEAST MY 2 WHEELS WERE THE ONES ON THE GROUND WHILE HE WAS DRIVING SIDEWAYS . I HAD TO HOLD ON FOR DEAR LIFE THE WHOLE TIME.

FOR YEARS AFTER THAT HE WOULD ASK ME IF I WANTED TO GO FOR A GOLF CART RIDE WITH HIM AND JUST CACKLE WITH LAUGHTER WHEN I LET HIM KNOW IN NO POLITE TERMS THAT IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN!

Now he is 21. He is a fine driver. Maybe a little too speedy but he probably inherited that from his auntie.

"Have you looked at the Sport's Illustrated model's face?"

That is the question I asked my boss once. He was in love with a girl named Kristie, who would not give him the time of day. They came out with the Sport's Illustrated Cover Model Issue and I noticed that the model looked exactly like Kristie. (2001 issue)

Now John being the hot-blooded all-American male that he is - I could not resist asking him the question, so I headed back to his office. I told him I had a question for him and I also told him that he had to wait until I finished the question to answer. He was intrigued.

So I asked, "Have you looked at the Sport's Illustrated cover model's ...face." I could tell by the time I got to the point in the question when I said " Sport's Illustrated" he was chafing at the bit to answer me. He was ready to blurt out "yes!" until I actually said the word "FACE". Then he looked at me blankly and asked "why?"

Of course I started laughing because that was the exact response that I expected to get from him. I told him that I wouldn't tell him why but to go to the front of the store and "actually look" at her face and he would know the answer. He immediately wheeled around and headed for the front of the store.

He came back a few minutes later, magazine in hand, with a big smile on his face. He said "She looks just like Kristie." There was disbelief in his voice. I had to kid him some more and I told him if he wasn't such a sexist pig he would have known it without me having to point it out to him.

Have you ever noticed that a fair percentage of men actually talk to your boobs instead of looking you in the eye. You have to wave at them sometimes and yell "Hey, I'm up here!"

This is just another example of that.

Attention K-Mart Shoppers: Pay No Attention to the Fine Print...

...or the grouchy customer service lady.

A few of you may remember that I went shopping at K-mart a few weeks ago and I got 2 $5 gift cards. One of them had an expiration date and one didn't. I forgot about the expiration date until yesterday when I was in my wallet and saw that it had expired the day before. I was dismayed because it was like throwing away 5 dollars.

to be finished lateer

Out of the Frying Pan and Into the Fire!

WHEN I MOVED BACK FROM FLORIDA IT WAS JANUARY AND I THOUGHT I HAD BROUGHT BACK ALL MY HEAVIEST WINTER CLOTHES. I QUICKLY DISCOVERED THAT AFTER LIVING IN FLORIDA FOR FIVE YEARS, I HAD NO WINTER CLOTHES. I ABSOLUTELY COULD NOT GET WARM.

I KEPT MY THERMOSTAT ON 90 DEGREES OR MORE AND WHEN PEOPLE CAME TO VISIT ME THEY COULDN'T GET THEIR BREATH BECAUSE IT WAS SO HOT IN MY HOUSE(THEY THOUGHT-NOT ME)

ONE DAY I HAD THE BRILLIANT IDEA OF HOW TO GET WARM.

I HAD A HAMMOCK.

I HAD A FLOOR FURNACE.

I SET UP MY HAMMOCK OVER THE FLOOR FURNACE.

THE WHOLE TIME I WAS WHISTLING IN ANTICIPATION OF FINALLY BEING WARM FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A MONTH!

I EASED MYSELF INTO THE HAMMOCK AND IT TOOK ABOUT 10 SECONDS FOR ME TO DISCOVER THAT THIS WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA. MY ASS WAS ON FIRE. I WAS LITERALLY COOKING OVER THE FLAME. TO MAKE THINGS WORSE THERE WAS VERY LITTLE ROOM ON EACH SIDE OF THE FURNACE (IT WAS IN THE HALLWAY) AND I HAD TO EASE MYSELF OUT OF THE HAMMOCK WITHOUT FALLING ONTO THE GRILL OF THE FURNACE BELOW! IT WAS TRULY AN "OUT OF THE FRYING PAN INTO THE FIRE" SITUATION.

AFTER EXTRICATING MYSELF FROM THIS PAINFUL SITUATION I LOOKED IN THE MIRROR AT MY BOTTOM. IT HAD GRIDDLE MARKS ON IT IN THE SHAPE OF THE HAMMOCK. MY ASS LITERALLY LOOKED LIKE TWO GIANT HAMS THAT HAD JUST COME OUT OF THE OVEN!