Chased by a Shark!

Once when we were vacationing at Jacksonville Beach, Florida, a baby shark chased my sister, Rhonda, up onto the beach. She was only about 10 years old and she didn't even know it was behind her. The shark was about 2 feet long and with every step Rhonda took out of the ocean it wiggled up the beach behind her until it beached itself and died.

Upon retrospect I think it is a very stupid thing for people to swim next to a pier where people are fishing for sharks. I know it is done every day but it is really stupid if you think about it.

A Kid's View of the Watergate Trials

The only thing that I can remember about the Watergate Trials is that I HATED President Nixon! It was HIS fault that they took Mr. Cartoon off everyday after school!

In those days we would sing songs from HeeHaw everday on the school bus on the way home from school. Our driver's name was Mary Stoneoff. She had big, teased up, red hair and red lipstick and sunglasses. She had a CB radio on the bus BEFORE the CB craze of the mid 70's. She smoked like a freight train and as I look back she must have had the patience of a saint to put up with us!

I would try to get out early in the morning so she would pick me up on the way to my friend, Suzanne's house. Suzanne and I would sit in the back seat and when Stoneoff turned the bus around at the RED BARN RESTAURANT she always hit a ditch that would send me and Suzanne flying into the air! It was better than being in the back car of a rollercoaster. One time Suzanne flew so high she hit her head on the roof of the school bus and cried all the way to school.

We had a great bus stop. We would play chase every morning and when we would see the school bus coming the last one to base would be "it" first the next morning.

"mama killed a chicken..."

My dad used to sing this song to us when we were children much to my mom's chagrin. I am not sure but the song probably has it's roots in an Appalachian folksong. It is meant to be sung boisterously.

When you sing it, put the emphasis on the first word and belt out the rest of each line real fast!

Maa-ma! killed a chicken but she thought it was a duck.

Pu-ut! it in the pot with it's feet stickin' up.

Coould-n't! keep from laughin' to save my soul.

As the grease ran out - the old ducks elbow!

on that last line you sing the first part fast and add on the last part. (make it rhyme)

I have a feeling that my mom would get mad because these are probably the actual words to that song:

Maa-ma! killed a chicken and she didn't give a fuc@ !

Pu-ut! it in the pot with it's ass stickin' up.

Coould-n't! keep from laughin' to save my soul.

As the grease ran out - the old duck's asshol@ !

My Mom's Favorite Stories About Me

I used to love commercials when I was a kid. I would memorize every song and I would actually leave the room when the regular shows came on only to return for the next round of commercials.

One day my mom took me to the store. I was a toddler. After letting me pick out my toy (which was invariably a book - I had my own rocking chair and magazine rack) we went to the front counter to check out.

Out of nowhere I started pointing to the cooler and saying, "buy me a Fall City Beer, Mommy. Buy me a Fall City Beer." She says I was pointing right at the cans of Fall City Beer so it was obvious that I knew what I was asking for. She, of course, fully denied even drinking the stuff and she had to leave the store as the clerk and the other customers knowingly looked at each other as if to say, "yeah, sure, she doesn't drink beer.".

I guess I should add that to my knowledge my parents didn't drink at all except for the parties they threw for special occasions. My mom was actually furious with me a couple of years ago when I mentioned that she used to get drunk at these parties. She says she NEVER drank even though ALL my aunts and uncles and various other invited guests were there getting sloshed. I did ask my dad and some of my aunts and uncles about it. They confirmed that even though they were drinking like fish, my mom never did drink.

She also likes to tell the story about the time I latched onto the little red wagon hanging from the ceiling when I was a toddler. Apparently I hung there kicking and screaming and they couldn't pull me loose. They bought me the wagon.

My nicknames through the years

My mom's nickname for me when I was a baby was "Fatsyrump"

My mom's nickname for me when I was a little girl was "Albuno" (short for albino)

My mom's nicknames for me now aren't fit - even for me - to print!

"What do you mean watch him? He's your brother."

When Bobby and I were first living together he got the flu or something. He was really sick for 3 or 4 days. On Saturday afternoon his brother came down and said he couldn't get a date for the night and he wanted to know if I wanted to go out with him since Bobby was sick anyway. I asked Bobby if he minded and he laughed and said, "no".

Just as I was about to go out the door Bobby looked at me and said, 'Watch him."

I said, "what do you mean watch him, he's your brother."

Bobby just smiled and repeated, "watch him."

I left and Dexter and I drove to Charleston (about an hour away) to go to the Galaxy 2000. The greatest disco club in WV at the time. Almost from the time we got in the door he was hitting on me. I tried to ignore it at first but as I got filled with drink after drink and various other substances it was getting harder and harder to ignore him. (It was fun too though because I was one girl who could hold my liqueur and it was obvious to me he was trying to get me very drunk)

Finally it reached the point where I looked at him and I said, "I want you to be the first to know, Bobby and I are getting married." From that point on Dexter was a perfect gentleman. We still partied the night away but he didn't hit on me anymore for the rest of the night. It actually turned into a celebration of my impending wedding to his brother.

When we pulled into the driveway and I was getting out of the car to go into the house all of a sudden Dexter grabbed me and laid one hell of a kiss on me. Then he let me go and smiled at me and said, "welcome to the family." After I shook the kiss out of my head I went home.

Bobby was waiting. He said, "well, how was it?" And he had a huge grin on his face.

I replied, "you were right. I had to watch him." Bobby doubled over laughing and I told him about the evening. The only part that surprised him was when I told him that his brother backed off when I told him we were getting married.

Two years later Dexter married a girl who could have been my sister, she looked so much like me.

Pamala Peehole!

We used to play all over the mountain behind my Granny Brennan's house. There were tons of aunts and uncles and cousins to play with plus whatever friends were hanging around too. We never did make it to the top of the mountain, even though we set off on more than one expedition. One time when I was in the 6th. grade, we ALMOST made it.

There was me and Billy and Rhonda and my Aunt Robin and my cousins Allen and Angie. We set off one day with the goal of making it all the way to the top. We were almost there when we came upon a huge log in our path and the only way around it was to literally climb over it. It may have been the biggest log I have ever seen. After getting everybody over it (we had to help the little ones) we continued our trek. Allen was leading the way.

After about 20 feet Allen stops and calmly says, "Snake."

Robin walks up and looks and says matter of factly, "Snake." In a tone like "yep, that's a snake."

I walk up and I see a snake coiled beside the path(probably resting as I look back on it now). I promptly SCREAM, "SNAAAKE!" At which time everybody takes off running full speed back down the mountain. The problem was we all hit that tree at the same time. Here we were 6 writhing, screaming kids panicked out of their minds caught in a massive traffic jam trying to scramble back over that log. I was last. I was so sure that the snake was racing back down the mountain straight at us that I peed all over myself.

Once we managed to get over that log, we all flew down the mountain to our parents screaming, "Snake! Snake!" the whole way. It scared our parents to death. Once they heard the whole story they died laughing (there is no snake on earth that is going to chase a bunch of screaming kids down a mountain). The most humiliating part is that everybody knew that I got so scared that I peed my pants. To add insult to injury we didn't make it to the top of the mountain either.

That is how I got the most hated nickname, "Pamala Peehole!"