This Was Freakin' Hilarious!

In my first kennel, my bosses girlfriend was a model. Apparently her biggest claim to fame was that she had been in a photo shoot with Christopher Reeves. She wasn't prissy though. She worked as hard as any female I ever ran into in the dog business.

One day we were blowing out the dogs. (a strange practice of giving them milk of magnesia so that they get a completely explosive, irridescent case of the shits! - more on my thoughts about that practice later!) anyway...

We had just come back to the kennel and we were thankful that none of the dogs had diarhhea in their crates. Greyhounds live in rows of crates which are stacked one on top of the other. Each crate is around 3 foot tall. This means the dogs in the top row are usually looking slightly down at you. It's nice because you can work with them at eye level.

We were in the process of letting the dogs go outside when Kim walked past one of the crates. One of the dogs blew out all over the side of her head! I watched as she was blasted with a burst of irridescent, green, slimey shit with all the force of one of those super soaker squirt guns! She stood there crying like Lucille Ball all covered in shit from head to toe!

My response of unadulterated laughter was not appreciated by her either. It didn't matter. I was helpless in my glee.

The only thing we could do was grab the water hose and hose her down.

My Lonely Flag

I fly it every holiday (I try to anyway).

It is the only flag at our 10 story apartment building even though there is a perfectly good flagpole out front. I tried to get them to let us fly a flag but was turned down. They said we would have to put it up and take it down everyday with a formal ceremony and no one wanted to participate. I am not able to do it myself.

So, I fly my lonely flag every holiday from the 8th. floor.

So

What were you doing on 11/11/11 at 11:11?

I was probably brushing my teeth

I'm getting a better deal than I thought

I only have to pay $276 for my rent this year. This is because I have spent so much on my medical bills that it comes off my rent.

I thought that the base rate for rent was $335. (meaning the most I would have to pay) Apparently they have raised the base rate to $438 since I have moved in. I thought I was saving $59 a month off my rent but I am actually saving $162 a month off my rent.

If you want to know the truth, these apartments are a bargain at $438 with all utilities included. All these nutty people who have lived in government housing their whole lives walk around complaining about the most stupid things around here. If they would have bothered to do anything with their lives and live in the real world for awhile they would know how great they actually have it.

A comparable apartment in the real world would rent for at least $600 plus utilities. I also have a safety net of knowing that if I get too sick to work then my rent could go down to as much as $50 monthly. That's why I'll probably be here until the day I die.

I have already lived here (almost 3 years) longer than I have lived anywhere in my life. I always moved according to my needs at the time. My worst nightmare was to have to live in the middle of the city in a highrise and that is exactly where I have ended up, but it is actually quite nice (other than the people here). The grounds are almost as good as living in the middle of a park.

I am fortunate.

Free Meals for Veteran's today! Here's a list!

Several Restaurants Offer Free Meals to Veterans on Veterans Day 2011. Here is a List of Veterans Day Free Meals For Friday, November 11

Friday, November 11, 2011 is Veterans Day, a time to honor those who have served their country. As a way to thank veterans, several restaurants offer free meals to veterans on Veterans Day.

Several chain restaurants such as Applebee's and Golden Corral offer Veterans Day free meals. Others offer some type of Veterans Day 2011 freebie or discount.

Applebee's Veterans Day special offers free meals to veterans and active military members on Friday, Nov. 11. The restaurant asks that people offer proof of military service. Here is more information about Applebees free meals on Veterans Day. Here is the Applebees menu.

Golden Corral will be holding Military Appreciation Monday dinner. Veterans and active military members will receive a complimentary dinner buffet and beverage. Golden Corral says that no ID is required for the service member. While family members are welcome to join, the free meal deal is limited to military personnel and veterans.

You can search the site's restaurant locator here to find Golden Corral locations near you.

Here is a List of Restaurants Offering 2011 Veterans Day Free Meals:

• Applebee's
• Chili's
• Cheeseburger in Paradise
• Olive Garden
• Hooters
• Texas Roadhouse
• Subway: free 6-inch subs
• McCormick & Schmick's: free meals on Sunday.
• Golden Corral free dinners on Monday, no ID required.
• Outback Steakhouse: free Bloomin' Onion appetizers and soft drinks

Continue reading at NowPublic.com: Veterans Day Free Meals 2011: Applebees, Chili's, Hooters, Subway | NowPublic News Coverage http://www.nowpublic.com/style/veterans-day-free-meals-2011-applebees-chilis-hooters-subway-2858009.html#ixzz1dQ2cIyKq

I felt like the proverbial secretary being chased around the desk

Years ago I went to work at the Daytona Beach Kennel Club (dog track). From the first day I was there the head security guard at the compound was making suggestive comments and actually touching me inappropriately. It became so bad that I felt like a secretary from a 50's movie being chased around the desk by her boss (literally not figuratively). I began to dodge him and make excuses to my boss for not doing things that I was supposed to be doing because I didn't want to interact with this man. There were some aspects of my job which made it absolutely essential to see him so I couldn't keep away completely. I actually tried twice to speak with him about the situation and both times I left his office at a dead run!

After 2 weeks of this and listening to other women in the compound it became obvious that this was a problem which was not going to subside on its own. I went to track security. I told them that there was a crazy old man working in the guard shack who did not realize that there were boundaries in a working environment. I just wanted them to talk to him, that's all, not write him up or fire him or anything like that. They knew immediately about which guard that I was refering and they told me that unless I filed a written complaint that they couldn't do anything. So I did, making it clear at the same time that I just wanted them to talk to him and that was all. The next day they called me into the office and told me that there was nothing they could do without corroborating testimony.

I told them that was fine but that the other women in the compound were afraid to come forward because of repercussions. (Dog Tracks are notorious for blackballing people who complain). They assured me that if what I had told them was true that there would be no repercussions. I also told them that I wasn't going to pursue the problem any further because I was leaving the track for a better job anyway but I also told them this. "Someday somebody is going to hire a little 18 year old girl. This man is going to pull this stuff with her. She is going to go home and tell her mother and they will file a lawsuit against the track. When that happens I will be in court to testify that you knew about the situation and did nothing." I could tell that they paid attention to this statement.

That night I had a talk with one of the women who had worked at the track for years. I told her what I had done and that I was leaving for another job. I told her also that if she wanted anything done about "Woody" now was the time to do it and the head of security had assured me that there would be no repercussions for coming forward. I also went by the guard shack and told the old man what I had done. When I walked in he got up to come at me and I had to quite forcefully tell him in no uncertain terms to sit down that I had something to tell him. I told him I had tried to talk with him on 2 other occasions and he had made it impossible. I told him that I had filed a complaint and he of course told me that I was mistaken about everything and he didn't understand how I could do such a thing.

A week later my ex-boss from Daytona called me and told me what had happened. The day after I had left, ALL the women from the compound went together to the main security office. They told them that everything I had told them was true and they gave them many more examples of Woody's behavior - some which were worse than what I had told them. Woody was fired within the hour. It turns out that he wasn't just a crazy old man. He had been the police chief of Daytona at one time and was fired for writing tickets for traffic violations and tearing them up after the women would perform sexual favors.

My husband went to work there 5 years later. When the people in the compound found out that we were married they told him that they owed me a steak dinner whenever I was ready to collect.

What Was I Doing When I Was 10

I was in Mrs. Ferrell's 5th. grade class. I remember her as being kind and giving me the extra attention I needed to understand math. I remember coloring with magic markers and making abstract designs with my friend, Suzanne. I remember playing battling tops in the back of the class on rainy days.

Mrs. Ferrell asked me to play Mary in the Christmas pageant but I heard Lisa Stanley complaining that I was the teacher's pet so I refused to play the part. Lisa played it instead. I remember the last Prisoner of War from the Vietnam War stepping off the plane. We made P.O.S. (Prisoners of School) signs and pasted them to our notebooks until "they" made us take them down.

We moved into the house that my parents built that year. I had my own room painted pink which is my favorite color to this day. We met Rusty and Sissy (the next door neighbors) who would become as close as my real brother and sister as we all grew up together. We spent the days playing wiffleball, flying kites, playing monopoly and hide and seek. We rode our bikes in the endless circle which was a path we had mapped out instead of utilizing both our yards for some unknown reason.

I think that was the year we build our famous clubhouse only to have it torn down a few months later. It was the bestest clubhouse ever! I read voraciously as I did for my entire childhood. I remember watching Nixon resign on television. My parents told me it was an historic event that I needed to watch.