Isn't it wonderful that God, in his infinite wisdom, when we have wrinkles and middle age spread, gifted us with failing eyesight.

Why I don't like to swim in the ocean

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Pamonyms

Here's a new one. For some reason the other people in my building call me "Miss Pam".

1. Pam

2. Pamala (my spelling)

3. Pamela (most common)

4. Pamelea (only met one of those)

5. Pammy (my most common nickname)

6. Pamalama (my favorite nickname ever!)

7. Pambella (from one special friend)

8. damnpamn (I've heard that one so many times in my life. It covers everything good,bad,unbelievable,right, wrong - get the idea!)

9. Wham Bam Thank You Pam (I won't get into that one!)

10. Spam (most popular insult as a child)

11. Pam Cooking Spray (most popular insult from children today)

12. Pamala Peehole (most hated nickname from my aunt's and uncle's)

13. SuperPam (my image of myself)

14. Pamburger (refers to the mangled mess that's my brain)

15. Pammalicious (another one that I won't get into)

16. Pamalah (emphasis on the "lah")

17. Pamblahh (how I used to refer to my blog) aka. Pamblahg

18. Paam-pers (another childhood taunt!)

19. Pambelina (another name from another friend)

20. Little Pam (as opposed to Big Pam-which is who I would be now. There were 2 of us Pam's working in one place and so they called us Big Pam and Little Pam-I was Little Pam because I was 20 and Big Pam was in her 40's)

My actual real name is Pamala Dee Brennan Jeffrey!

My mom started to name me Sherri Lynn - I don't think that name would have been near as much fun!

MEME off It'

July Health Update

I am definitely getting stronger. I am doing housework and running errands and I have noticed that I am walking faster when I do them. I can lift heavier weights (as in I can take my own trash out instead of asking a friend to do it for me)

I carried in all my own groceries yesterday.

These are all small steps, but for me it is good. I am doing more and more every day.

Thursday's topic: fashion trends

I was too young for hip huggers the first time they came out.

I was too fat for low risers when they came out.

I'll be too old the next time they come around.

I remember smock tops were in style...Then belly tops came in and they shrunk to be tube tops - but I didn't have anything to hold a tube top up!

I loved high waisted pants and bell bottoms - they hid major figure flaws.

Then there was workout gear and haircuts with the side shaved out - good thing you didn't have to actually workout to wear the clothes

Somewhere along the line, blue jeans went from being my comfortable pants to being my work clothes that I had to get out of the second I hit the door.

Now, I'm too big of a dork to know what has been in style for the last ten years

"Have you ever tried love?"

I had an absolutely magnificent white german shepherd named Max. I got him as a full grown animal and I fell in love with him at first sight. When I met the man who gave him to me, Max was wearing a shock collar AND a training collar. The man was obsessed with controlling Max and spent about 1/2 an hour telling me what I needed to do to handle Max. Every method he mentioned (including the 2 collars) was nothing but cruel.

I had to ask him, "have you ever tried love?" He just looked at me quizzically with no comprehension. He started not to let me have Max because he didn't think I could control him. But in the end he let me have him.

Max was a stunning animal to look at. He was snow white and he came up to my waist. He weighed at least 150 lbs. He was absolutely crazy when I got him. I would have been crazy too if I had been wearing a shock collar over a training collar which was made of metal to boot so the shock would have been intensified. Not to mention the 2 inch long steel spikes all around the training collar which had dug into his neck so deep that it took me 2 months to heal his neck so I could put a regular collar on him.

I didn't have Max home 5 minutes when he tried to bite me on the ankle. I turned around and socked him right in the nose! I hated to do it but I also knew that I needed to let him know who was boss right off the bat. After that punch, it was never necessary for me to do anything like that with him again. I showed him nothing but love and kindness and fun.

He lived for me. Only I could handle him for a long time.

Then I got him a friend. Another white german shepherd named Skye. I tried to keep Disney (a crazy lab mix I had) in the pen with them but they attacked her and I had to keep her separate from them. One time I bought all three of them doggie footballs, thinking that they could each play with one. That was not the case. Max hogged all three of them. No matter what combination of directions I would throw the balls in he would not let Skye and Disney play with the balls. He was greedy.

Eventually he got so he could be trusted around other people. When I got sick I had to use Skye as leverage to find him a home as well. She had papers and she was pregnant with puppies so everybody wanted her. I could have sold her but I didn't. I used her to get Max (and her) a home in the country because I couldn't take care of them anymore and I knew for sure that I couldn't care for a litter of puppies even thought the pups were worth a couple hundred dollars apiece (without papers because the man who gave me Max never gave them to me, but one look at Max and it was obvious that he was full blooded)

Anyway, all it took to turn around a couple of years of evil training methods was another couple of years of love.

I Never Could Resist a Dare!

Last night a friend dared me to write about my most embarrassing sexual experience. So, after just a TINY bit of soul searching here it is. First, I made a list and let her choose. Here's the list with one addition - she chose #3.

1. the bench (same trail as 4 - different spot)
2. the snow
3. car parked right beside of road
4. being discovered on a trail (and not stopping)
5.. the ocean

6. the time the maid walked in

We used to live in Huntington, WV, and our families lived in Logan and Boone Counties which was a couple of hours on back country roads away. One night on the way home we were feeling particularly amorous so Bobby pulled off on the side of a shortcut we were on called Dairy Road.

We were all over each other and he threw me on the trunk and we were having a grand old time when a set of headlights flashed on us for just a second. We were so into what we were doing that I barely noticed at the time but now I realize that for those headlights to hit us, maybe, just maybe, we weren't as far off the main road as we thought we were.

Thankfully we were on a curvy, back country road in WV and I am sure that even though the passing driver probably saw ALL OUR GOODIES that it was for such a brief second that they were probably thinking, "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!"

There was a flood and I didn't even know it rained.

We were living in an apartment in a place called Black Bottom in Logan, West Virginia. It was called Black Bottom because the area frequently flooded and everything would be covered with thick, black, river mud.

We had my stepdaughter's for the weekend. We slept in and had a nice breakfast and my husband left with the girls to take them home. They came back in a couple of minutes to tell me they couldn't go anywhere because there was a flood. The property our apartment was on was not flooded but all around it was - we were on an island.

I didn't even know it had rained the night before, I thought they were making the whole thing up. That is, until I went outside to observe a man riding a rowboat down the middle of the street. There was no denying there was a flood after that.

So, Bobby called the ex and told her the girls would have to stay another night. She freaked as usual. She called him a liar and told him he better get the girls home. I couldn't really blame her for not believing him because I didn't know it had rained myself. Later that day she called. She had him walk the girls out on the railroad tracks. They met on the boulevard and she took them on home.

The next day I went to work at P.R.I.D.E., a community action agency. We were taking applications for emergency flood relief. A very, old bum came in and told us the story of how he was rescued from the flood. He was in a second floor apartment down the road from me. The only way he could get out was for them to pull a boat up to his window. He told us an absolutely hilarious story about how hard it was for him to get into the boat because it was getting pulled away by the current and how he was spread eagle between the window sill and the boat trying not to fall into the water. He was laughing, we were laughing too. We all laughed so hard that I thought my side was going to split. But he lived in a place that if he had fallen in the water there was no way he could have fought that current and he would have surely been carried away and drowned. So, it was a good thing he got saved.

He Threw Me Through the Wall!

Now, before you start your man blastin', we were clowning around. It was an accident.

When I was first married we moved into a newly remodled apartment owned by an 83 year old, very nice man. Bobby and I were horsing around. He was lying on the bed and I took a big dive on top of him. To counteract my attack he grabbed my shoulders while I was still in midair and guided me to the side so I wouldn't land on him full force. I landed on the mattress but my shoulder hit the wall. It must have hit exactly between the 2x4's because we heard a BIG crack. We froze in position and just looked at each other.

I moved away from the wall and it had a crack just above where my shoulder had hit all the way to the floor. We felt terrible. Fortunately Bobby had some drywall experience and he bought the stuff to fix it. Then we repainted the spot. You had to look hard to tell that something had even happened to the spot.

I put a chest of drawers in front of the spot and I'm sure the landlord never even knew the difference.

Remember "Don't Break the Camel's Back"

1. I used to love that game - except I like to put the straw in that actually broke the camel's back.

2. Don't Break the Ice - now I didn't like being the one to break the ice

3. clackers - they were banned on playgrounds across the country because "some kid" had his eye put out when they exploded.

4. David Cassidy singing "I Think I Love You" - a few years ago we were selling Valentine Balloons at Fruth that sang "I Think I Love You." I sold them out in just a couple of days because I kept one by my register and I sang it everytime a customer came in. One day there was a group of about 6 middle age women (including myself) standing around that balloon singing the "WHOLE" song. The teenage clerk working with me just stood there looking dumbfounded that we could possibly be acting that way.

5. Crissy, Velvet and Cinnamon (I forgot about Velvet and Cinnamon until I looked up Crissy on the internet. I did not have a Crissy Doll.

6. Dawn Dolls - I had a case of 52 Dawn Dolls. None of the kids at school believed me when I told them what I got for Christmas. Kim Cook, a neighbor friend, had to confirm it before they believed me.

7. Defiance!

8. Black Light Posters .

8. The Wonderful World of Disney

9. Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom

10. The Osmond's Cartoon and the Jackson 5 Cartoon