Well I had to go back to the ER the other night and they kept me overnight. Basically it was the heat but it really messed with my heart. They gave me fluids, 12 potassium pills(10meq each whatever that is, but I know it is alot) and a magnesium IV that burned my whole arm. I was also introduced to the joys of morphine. I have always turned it down and I did that night too but they gave it to me anyway this time. It cured every problem I ever had and I spent half the night giggling to myself. I did not hallucinate which is why I kept turning it down. I thought it would make me hallucinate. I don't think I will ever turn it down again.
I have had 6 weeks of fun, doing whatever I wanted unless I was too tired. It was good to pretend I was normal again but 6 weeks is the usual amount of time that it takes me to wear myself out and end up in the emergency room. That has been the pattern of my life for 2 years now. The really sad part is apparently they cancelled my medicaid coverage. I thought when I got my disability that I wouldn't have this problem anymore. Oh well, I guess I will put it on my list of things that I can't do anything about and not worry about it.
I will call my dr. Monday. I am lucky to have him. He knows I pay will pay him as best as I can and he will see me without the medicaid. I need him to explain the results of all the tests that they ran. I am tired of them running tests and not giving me the results. They keep saving my life but I can't pry my test results out of them. The nurses just grunt or lie when you ask them a question and the doctors pretend that they don't understand English and smile for the 30 seconds that you see them.
One of my friends started complaining about the length of her stays in the hospital waiting room. I have never once had that problem. I walk in the front door (or arrive in an ambulance) and tell the front desk that I need help getting to the ER. They take one look at me and load me in a wheelchair and wisk me to the back. This time the ER must have been full because they brought a EKG machine out to the waiting room and checked me right there after they took my vitals. It wasn't too much longer I was in a bed in the ER. It took about 3 hours for them to get me to a bed upstairs. My EKG line was very squiggly and uneven this time, the worst I had ever seen it. I don't know what it means but I do know that it is supposed to be evenly spaced and uniform.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
It's Time for me to Celebrate
It is my one year anniversary of life. On June 16,2006 , I was in a hospital emergency room dying. It turns out that I have an advanced case of congestive heart failure. For a few days the doctors did not think that I was going to make it.
I was at work when things started to fade and my hands would not do what my mind was telling them to do. I called for help to replace me and drove myself to the emergency room. I must not have been doing a very good job because I remember alot of car horns blowing. I collapsed as soon as they put me in the ER bed. After several hours I woke up and there was a dr. sitting there asking me how I was feeling. I told him better and that I was ready to go home. He laughed and told me that I wasn't going anywhere that they were going to keep me. I told him they couldn't keep me because I didn't have insurance and I couldn't pay them for whatever they had already done. That's when he told me that the only reason I was feeling better was because I had 2 inches of nitro paste on my chest and if I left the hospital that I would be dead in 2 hours. He said not to worry about payment that they would make arrangements for me. I couldn't argue with logic like that and I went back to sleep. I was in the hospital for 5 days. When they released me I was still to weak to make it on my own and I ended up back in the hospital for 4 more days.
I have made great progress since that time. I have lost 49 lbs. (unfortunately I had gained over 100 pounds in a matter of months due to my heart condition)When I got out of the hospital I had to shop at Walmart using their wheelchair cart for months. When people would see me out they would avert their eyes because I looked like walking death. When I first got out of the hospital I had to wear oxygen around the clock. I couldn't even take it off to go the the bathroom. Now I am supposed to wear it only at night but I still sometimes have to use it during the day. I am still taking the same medicines that I was taking then but I am feeling much stronger. I could not work at all during the first 4 months and I had to sell everything I own to pay my bills.
I am working 3 evenings a week(but I am allowed to take it easy and I miss work whenever I need to). I am receiving Social Security Disability which is the reason I am still alive. I started trying to work 5 evenings a week in November and it almost killed me. (but I needed to eat and put a roof over my head) I ended up back in the hospital again. The Social Security started in March. I am renting a room from a nice lady because I lost my house. I lost all my pets including 2 beautiful white german shepherds, a lab mix, a maltese, a chinese crested and 4 cats. I was able to find what I hope are good homes for all of them. I thought for awhile that they would have to go to the animal shelter. I have managed to keep my truck which for me is a glorified wheelchair because I have a hard time walking a block. (but at least I can do it if I have to-I couldn't hardly get from the parking lot to the wheelchair cart for months)
I have taught myself to do the basics on a computer in the past year. I figured why not since I couldn't do anything else anyway. I am going to start a basic computer class on Monday. . I have learned that I can't depend on my family for anything but that's alright I had some good friends step in when they saw I was homeless and that my family wasn't going to help.
Anyway I am alive and that is something to celebrate
I have seen all 3 of my doctors in the last 3 weeks. 2 don't want to see me for 6 months and the others said call him if I need to see him. I have crossed a major milestone!
I was at work when things started to fade and my hands would not do what my mind was telling them to do. I called for help to replace me and drove myself to the emergency room. I must not have been doing a very good job because I remember alot of car horns blowing. I collapsed as soon as they put me in the ER bed. After several hours I woke up and there was a dr. sitting there asking me how I was feeling. I told him better and that I was ready to go home. He laughed and told me that I wasn't going anywhere that they were going to keep me. I told him they couldn't keep me because I didn't have insurance and I couldn't pay them for whatever they had already done. That's when he told me that the only reason I was feeling better was because I had 2 inches of nitro paste on my chest and if I left the hospital that I would be dead in 2 hours. He said not to worry about payment that they would make arrangements for me. I couldn't argue with logic like that and I went back to sleep. I was in the hospital for 5 days. When they released me I was still to weak to make it on my own and I ended up back in the hospital for 4 more days.
I have made great progress since that time. I have lost 49 lbs. (unfortunately I had gained over 100 pounds in a matter of months due to my heart condition)When I got out of the hospital I had to shop at Walmart using their wheelchair cart for months. When people would see me out they would avert their eyes because I looked like walking death. When I first got out of the hospital I had to wear oxygen around the clock. I couldn't even take it off to go the the bathroom. Now I am supposed to wear it only at night but I still sometimes have to use it during the day. I am still taking the same medicines that I was taking then but I am feeling much stronger. I could not work at all during the first 4 months and I had to sell everything I own to pay my bills.
I am working 3 evenings a week(but I am allowed to take it easy and I miss work whenever I need to). I am receiving Social Security Disability which is the reason I am still alive. I started trying to work 5 evenings a week in November and it almost killed me. (but I needed to eat and put a roof over my head) I ended up back in the hospital again. The Social Security started in March. I am renting a room from a nice lady because I lost my house. I lost all my pets including 2 beautiful white german shepherds, a lab mix, a maltese, a chinese crested and 4 cats. I was able to find what I hope are good homes for all of them. I thought for awhile that they would have to go to the animal shelter. I have managed to keep my truck which for me is a glorified wheelchair because I have a hard time walking a block. (but at least I can do it if I have to-I couldn't hardly get from the parking lot to the wheelchair cart for months)
I have taught myself to do the basics on a computer in the past year. I figured why not since I couldn't do anything else anyway. I am going to start a basic computer class on Monday. . I have learned that I can't depend on my family for anything but that's alright I had some good friends step in when they saw I was homeless and that my family wasn't going to help.
Anyway I am alive and that is something to celebrate
I have seen all 3 of my doctors in the last 3 weeks. 2 don't want to see me for 6 months and the others said call him if I need to see him. I have crossed a major milestone!
My Memorial Day Fiasco
Let me tell you about my Memorial Day Fiasco! First of all I went to a KFC picnic at Fruth. It was fun. Then I decided to go swimming. I drove to the local public pool which is at the top of a very steep mountain. About 3/4 the way up there were these kids sitting there in the 90 degree heat looking like they were going to have a heat stroke. I stopped and motioned them into the back of my truck. I gave them a ride to the pool and dropped them off. I left because the pool was wall to wall people. Anyway that was my good deed for the day. I try to do one every day.
Then I decide to drive to Coal River to one of the local swimming holes. I stop on the way and buy a couple of noodles and a cold water. I get to the river and there are people there swimming and kayaking and just having a good time in general. So I wade out into the water with my noodles and get picked up by the current. I realize immediately that I am in a bit of a pickle because the current is sweeping me away and the further I go the further I have to get back to my truck. Those 2 $1 noodles probably saved my life.
I finally made it to the bank but then I had to figure out how to get back to my truck. The bank was too steep to climb and the mud was so deep that I was sinking to my knees with each step. So I had to wade back out into the current and walk back. I had to make sure I kept my balance so I wouldn't be swept away again plus the bottom was covered with algae and sharp rocks. I also had to watch each step because there was debris which could cut my feet not to mention that I had to avoid any area where I thought a snapping turtle might be. I also had to rest about every 10 or 20 steps because I get tired walking though Walmart with my heart condition. The last thing I needed was to get myself in a position where I needed to use my oxygen which by the way I had to put on when I finally did make it to my truck.
As usual I had to learn the hard way that I can't have fun anymore. But at least now I can look back and laugh and pretend that I had a good holiday! Remember at the end life is about memory and experience because you can't take it with you.
Then I decide to drive to Coal River to one of the local swimming holes. I stop on the way and buy a couple of noodles and a cold water. I get to the river and there are people there swimming and kayaking and just having a good time in general. So I wade out into the water with my noodles and get picked up by the current. I realize immediately that I am in a bit of a pickle because the current is sweeping me away and the further I go the further I have to get back to my truck. Those 2 $1 noodles probably saved my life.
I finally made it to the bank but then I had to figure out how to get back to my truck. The bank was too steep to climb and the mud was so deep that I was sinking to my knees with each step. So I had to wade back out into the current and walk back. I had to make sure I kept my balance so I wouldn't be swept away again plus the bottom was covered with algae and sharp rocks. I also had to watch each step because there was debris which could cut my feet not to mention that I had to avoid any area where I thought a snapping turtle might be. I also had to rest about every 10 or 20 steps because I get tired walking though Walmart with my heart condition. The last thing I needed was to get myself in a position where I needed to use my oxygen which by the way I had to put on when I finally did make it to my truck.
As usual I had to learn the hard way that I can't have fun anymore. But at least now I can look back and laugh and pretend that I had a good holiday! Remember at the end life is about memory and experience because you can't take it with you.
In the Hospital Again (sigh)
I just finished another 5 day stay in the hospital again. I went in with severe chest pain. The worst I have ever experienced. It was not fun.
The interesting thing is that they determined within hours that it was not heart related but they still kept me for 5 days. That is the difference that insurance makes. I went in under the same circumstances last July and they released me hours later but I had no insurance. I wanted to go home this time to but they kept me. I think they were just milking the insurance.
When I went to see my regular Dr. after getting out he wanted to know why in the world they kept me for 5 days. They didn't even run any tests for the first 3 days. Anyway all that was wrong this time was an ulcer in my esophagus. When I ingested the nasal spray it ran down and when the chemical hit the ulcer that is what triggered my chest pain. Tra la la
I needed the rest. It got me out of work for a few days and now I am working a lighter schedule which will be better for my health. Yah!
The interesting thing is that they determined within hours that it was not heart related but they still kept me for 5 days. That is the difference that insurance makes. I went in under the same circumstances last July and they released me hours later but I had no insurance. I wanted to go home this time to but they kept me. I think they were just milking the insurance.
When I went to see my regular Dr. after getting out he wanted to know why in the world they kept me for 5 days. They didn't even run any tests for the first 3 days. Anyway all that was wrong this time was an ulcer in my esophagus. When I ingested the nasal spray it ran down and when the chemical hit the ulcer that is what triggered my chest pain. Tra la la
I needed the rest. It got me out of work for a few days and now I am working a lighter schedule which will be better for my health. Yah!
My Best Thanksgiving
On my favorite Thanksgiving Holiday I spent the day entirely alone on My Hundred Acres. I had a full dinner with all the trimmings. It was a beautiful fall day and I spent the whole day eating and mowing My Hundred Acres. I also raced my greyhounds with my riding mower and played with them too. They had turkey with me. It was one of the best holidays I have ever had. No pressure from family and friends, just a nice relaxing day.
I saw several deer grazing but I also saw the 3 world record turkeys(wild) that roamed the property. My brother saw them once so I have a witness. They were about 3 feet tall and when they ran their drumsticks pumped like an Olympic Track stars thighs. Their size was mindboggling. If you would have killed one to eat for Thanksgiving dinner then it would have filled up the whole table and you wouldn't have been able to have any trimmings with your turkey. I never did get a picture of one but I will never forget them.
I saw several deer grazing but I also saw the 3 world record turkeys(wild) that roamed the property. My brother saw them once so I have a witness. They were about 3 feet tall and when they ran their drumsticks pumped like an Olympic Track stars thighs. Their size was mindboggling. If you would have killed one to eat for Thanksgiving dinner then it would have filled up the whole table and you wouldn't have been able to have any trimmings with your turkey. I never did get a picture of one but I will never forget them.
Restraining Orders
The Only Thing A Restraining Order Is Good For Is So The Police Can Say " Well There Was A Restraining Order In Effect" After You Are Dead!!!
The Ugly Angel
There once was a angel.
She was an ugly angel.
---------------------------------------------
She lived in a store,
on a shelf in the store.
--------------------------------------------
Day after day she waited.
While people were shopping, she waited.
---------------------------------------------
There once was a lady.
She was a kind lady.
---------------------------------------------
She was looking for an angel,
for a beautiful Christmas Angel.
--------------------------------------------
In store after store she looked.
For that special angel, she looked.
---------------------------------------------
The angel saw the kind lady pass by.
She wished the lady would not pass her by.
---------------------------------------------
As the kind lady was shopping away,
she saw the ugly angel and walked away.
---------------------------------------------
"That ugly angel has such a sweet smile.
My angel will have a beautiful smile."
----------------------------------------------
Again the lady pressed on with her search.
Again the angel was passed by in her search.
------------------------------------------------
"You are such an ugly angel, oh my!
I want a beautiful angel. Oh my."
------------------------------------------------
"I am leaving, but I will ponder.
Can you come home with me? I will ponder."
-----------------------------------------------
The angel heard what the lady did say.
She closed her eyes and to God she did pray.
-------------------------------------------------
"Let me go home. That is my Christmas Wish.
Home with the kind lady, that is my wish."
------------------------------------------------
On Christmas Eve there was a sale.
There was a Christmas Clearance Sale.
.----------------------------------------------
The kind lady looked. The shelf was bare.
The shelf where the angel sat was bare.
-------------------------------------------
"Where is the angel that I saw before,
the ugly angel that sat there before?"
-------------------------------------------
The lady gave up. She walked to the door.
With one chance kick, the angel flew 'cross the floor.
--------------------------------------------------------
"Do not leave me please," the angel cried!
"I am glad to see you," the kind lady replied.
--------------------------------------------------------
"I was looking for a beautiful angel.
You are my Special Christmas Angel."
---------------------------------------------------------
The End
She was an ugly angel.
---------------------------------------------
She lived in a store,
on a shelf in the store.
--------------------------------------------
Day after day she waited.
While people were shopping, she waited.
---------------------------------------------
There once was a lady.
She was a kind lady.
---------------------------------------------
She was looking for an angel,
for a beautiful Christmas Angel.
--------------------------------------------
In store after store she looked.
For that special angel, she looked.
---------------------------------------------
The angel saw the kind lady pass by.
She wished the lady would not pass her by.
---------------------------------------------
As the kind lady was shopping away,
she saw the ugly angel and walked away.
---------------------------------------------
"That ugly angel has such a sweet smile.
My angel will have a beautiful smile."
----------------------------------------------
Again the lady pressed on with her search.
Again the angel was passed by in her search.
------------------------------------------------
"You are such an ugly angel, oh my!
I want a beautiful angel. Oh my."
------------------------------------------------
"I am leaving, but I will ponder.
Can you come home with me? I will ponder."
-----------------------------------------------
The angel heard what the lady did say.
She closed her eyes and to God she did pray.
-------------------------------------------------
"Let me go home. That is my Christmas Wish.
Home with the kind lady, that is my wish."
------------------------------------------------
On Christmas Eve there was a sale.
There was a Christmas Clearance Sale.
.----------------------------------------------
The kind lady looked. The shelf was bare.
The shelf where the angel sat was bare.
-------------------------------------------
"Where is the angel that I saw before,
the ugly angel that sat there before?"
-------------------------------------------
The lady gave up. She walked to the door.
With one chance kick, the angel flew 'cross the floor.
--------------------------------------------------------
"Do not leave me please," the angel cried!
"I am glad to see you," the kind lady replied.
--------------------------------------------------------
"I was looking for a beautiful angel.
You are my Special Christmas Angel."
---------------------------------------------------------
The End
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