Remember Those Halloween Costumes From the 70's

I have enjoyed Halloween as an adult. I have made every holiday a good one. Going all out with decorations, costumes and candy every year.

Except for the school party, I hated it when I was a kid. Back in the 60's and early 70's my mom would go to the dime store and buy those costumes in a box. We would try to get there early before all the good ones were gone. There was be a mask with an elastic band to go around your head. Most of the time the band would break before we even started trick or treating. Then there was the one piece, multipurpose, plastic sheath that covered us from shoulders to knees - it had a picture drawn on it of whatever it was that you were supposed to be. The witch would have a witches dress drawn on it, the werewolf would have a dog on it and of course the doctor would have a doctor's labcoat complete with a stethoscope on it.

Those costumes were pretty terrible and to make matters worse my mom would make us put them on over our coats because she didn't want us to catch a cold. We looked like colorful Goodyear blimps running around the neighborhood getting a bunch of second rate candy from all the neighbors. The Clark's always gave us Clark bars, the Flynn's would give out apples (every kid's dream). It was a good thing that I liked smarties (we used to use them for pills when we played doctor) because we had a plastic pumpkin full of them.

The school party was pretty cool. We would have candy and cupcakes with candy corn decorations. Usually we would even get one of those tiny little single serving ice creams that were only partly melted. Of course you got the little wooden spatula to eat it with. We would make Halloween pictures and play games. Then every class would tour all the other classes in the Halloween costume parade. There would be the vote for best costume every year and the same kids would win every year. You know the ones, their mothers would take the time to painstakingly sew a perfect costume for them and even hold them out of school in the morning so they could show up in the perfect Halloween costume for the party.

When I got a little older (5th or 6th grade) I started putting together my own costume. I had a long dress with paisley's on it. It was perfect for a gypsy dress. With a little added jewelry and a colorful scarf, it was actually a pretty good costume. I also turned it into the "Carol Burnette Cleaning Lady Costume". That one was easy. I just put on the dress. Smudged my cheeks with a little make up and grabbed a bottle of window cleaner and a rag - viola!

Have You Ever Been at the Wrong End of the Food Chain?

Feb 17, '09 6:36 PM for everyone

Have you ever been at the wrong end of the food chain? I have. I had just moved into a house in the country and I was leaving for work. It was early in the morning and it was pitch black outside. I had a flashlight so I could see to walk to my car.

When I was about halfway to the car (it was about 50 feet from the house across a ditch line) I heard a scream. It was a bloodcurdling scream like nothing you have ever heard in your life! At that exact moment several things happened instantaneously:

1. The flashlight went out (of course)

2. I felt my spine turn to ice (just like you would read about in any scary novel!)

3. My only thought was "I hope that was a deer". The thought was shriveling in my mind even as I thought it but I was trying to comfort myself.

4. I froze in my tracks. (I guess when your spine freezes this is a natural reaction)

The only thing it could have been was a wildcat and it was close. It sounded like it was at the end of the field which was only about 30 yards away. I don't really know how to describe that scream, I just knew that whatever was there was letting me know that it knew I was there and I was breakfast.

I knew I couldn't just stand there and I debated(quickly) whether to go back to the house or the car. I went for the car. I forced myself to slowly walk to the car.

Just when I got there I heard the scream again and it was closer. I tried to put the key in the lock but I couldn't find the hole my hand was shaking so bad. (just like in a scary movie when you make fun of people who aren't able to open the lock!). After what seemed like an eternity I got the door open and dove in and closed the door behind me.

SAFE!

Halloween is Better Now than It Used to Be

I have enjoyed Halloween as an adult. I have made every holiday a good one. Going all out with decorations, costumes and candy every year.

Except for the school party, I hated it when I was a kid. Back in the 60's and early 70's my mom would go to the dime store and buy those costumes in a box. We would try to get there early before all the good ones were gone. There was be a mask with an elastic band to go around your head. Most of the time the band would break before we even started trick or treating. Then there was the one piece, multipurpose, plastic sheath that covered us from shoulders to knees - it had a picture drawn on it of whatever it was that you were supposed to be. The witch would have a witches dress drawn on it, the werewolf would have a dog on it and of course the doctor would have a doctor's labcoat complete with a stethoscope on it.

Those costumes were pretty terrible and to make matters worse my mom would make us put them on over our coats because she didn't want us to catch a cold. We looked like colorful Goodyear blimps running around the neighborhood getting a bunch of second rate candy from all the neighbors. The Clark's always gave us Clark bars, the Flynn's would give out apples (every kid's dream). It was a good thing that I liked smarties (we used to use them for pills when we played doctor) because we had a plastic pumpkin full of them.

The school party was pretty cool. We would have candy and cupcakes with candy corn decorations. Usually we would even get one of those tiny little single serving ice creams that were only partly melted. Of course you got the little wooden spatula to eat it with. We would make Halloween pictures and play games. Then every class would tour all the other classes in the Halloween costume parade. There would be the vote for best costume every year and the same kids would win every year. You know the ones, their mothers would take the time to painstakingly sew a perfect costume for them and even hold them out of school in the morning so they could show up in the perfect Halloween costume for the party.

When I got a little older (5th or 6th grade) I started putting together my own costume. I had a long dress with paisley's on it. It was perfect for a gypsy dress. With a little added jewelry and a colorful scarf, it was actually a pretty good costume. I also turned it into the "Carol Burnette Cleaning Lady Costume". That one was easy. I just put on the dress. Smudged my cheeks with a little make up and grabbed a bottle of window cleaner and a rag - viola!

What Are You Supposed To Be, Anyway?

When I was at Ohio State our dorm was having a Halloween Party. It was a typical college party full of fun and drunken debauchery. We were all in our costumes cruising from room to room and floor to floor just having a good time in general. I was a ghost. I took the sheet off of my bed and cut a hole in it for my head and then I took my pillow case and cut out two eyeholes and circled them with black magic marker. (If I would have been smarter I would have cut out a mouth hole to make my drinking easier!)

A friend and I went into a suite of some friends of ours. They weren't there so we decided to visit some guys in a room we didn't know. (party, you know) We walked into their room and it was a room full of black guys. We started to laugh and talk with them but they weren't friendly at all. It was really starting to hurt my drunken feelings. Finally one of them said to me, "What in the hell are you supposed to be anyway?!" Of course I replied in my very West Virginia twang that I was a ghost. They all looked at each other as if to say, "yeah right".

It was obviously not a friendly atmosphere so my friend and I left.

Once we were out of the room my friend pointed out to me that they thought I was dressed as a KKK klansmen. My southern accent only made things worse. This had not even dawned on me as a costume possibility, but after looking in the mirror I could see where they would think that. I felt really bad about it and I wanted to go back to talk to them to tell them that I most definitely not a KKK person. My friend convinced me that it would be best not to make a big deal out of it though. It just goes to show that appearances are deceiving and you should never assume anything about someone.

I am on SS disability. Here is my monthly budget.

I am on disability because I have heart failure. I work, but I can't work enough to support myself. I get $784 monthly from SS Disability. That is close to the maximum. When they told me what I would get I asked why my cousin who has never worked a day in his life gets more than me and they told me it is because he is on a different program. Apparently you are better off if you never work at all.

I work at a pharmacy as a cashier. I get around $270 month including taxes. Since my rent would be $90 a month cheaper if I didn't work, that means I get around $130 for working. If you meet someone on disability who tells you they aren't allowed to work, that is wrong (unless their doctor says it). Social Security wants you to work, both for the satisfaction of working and because you are still paying into the system.

I get $16 in food stamps. People laugh at that. I say it is a couple of packs of chicken and one pack of hamburger that I couldn't afford otherwise.

Rent - $281. It will go up to $307 on December 1st. It is going up because I got a better prescription drug plan this year. I am in government housing and any money I spend on medical bills comes off my rent. If I did not work my rent would be $218 on December 1st.

Truck payment - $245

Truck Insurance - $99

Netflix - $19 - I don't have cable or a computer. I use the computer at the library.

The balance goes to food mostly. I am on a special diet for my heart. It is expensive. Before I got sick I could eat on $30 weekly. Now it is probably double that.

I WOULD BE DEAD WITHOUT THE INTERVENTION OF THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT.

EVP?

When I was 12 years old I got a yellow Panasonic tape recorder for my birthday. One day I was being silly and I was walking around the house interviewing household appliances. I would interview the commode and flush it for an answer or the door and slam it at the appropriate time. I did this all over the house.

At the end of my interview I asked the question, "Is there anybody else in this house that wants to be interviewed?" Of course there was no answer and I turned off the tape. However when I replayed the tape and I asked the question, just as I asked it, I did get an answer. I heard a cat meow.

My cat had been missing for about 10 days. We had no other cats. I never did see my cat again. I wonder...

THIS SCARE SERIOUSLY BACKFIRED ON ME!

I was a ghost at a friends Halloween party for her daughter. There were at least 50 kids there from infant to 12 years old. I spent the night running around the outside of the house appearing at windows and doorways and hiding before the kids could find me. (I was a very effective ghost!)

At the end of the evening I decided to go upstairs and run through the crowd and scare the living daylights out of the little buggers before I went home. I sneaked in the front door and up the stairs and burst into the room screaming and running through those lovely children. The next thing I knew this mob of screaming, clawing, biting, hitting, kicking children started whaling on me unmercifully!!! There were no adults up there to help me or take control of the situation.

If I had not had years of experience breaking up greyhound fights without hurting the dogs, I would have been forced to hurt those kids just to break free! When I finally extricated myself from the mob I took off running. The only part of my costume that was left on me was a piece around my neck and a piece around my waist. Just when I got to the top of the stairs one of the little bastards clotheslined me! I was dangling down the stairs and the only thing holding me up was a piece of material around my neck that was strangling me!

I managed to twist my neck so that I broke free and promptly went thumping down the stairs to land at Sis' feet who was running to see what all the commotion was. At this point I thought the whole thing was hilarious and recounted the story of the kids trying to kill the ghost. We all had a good laugh. I wasn't laughing the next morning.

I went to get out of bed and I couldn't. I mean I was physically unable to raise up and what little bit I did move put me in excruciating backstabbing pain. It took me about 20 minutes to roll out of bed. I had to crawl to a phone to call for help. When I told my boss I couldn't walk, he thought I had a sprained ankle or something. I had to explain to him that my legs were paralyzed and I had dragged myself in pain to the phone. He said he would be right over.

I managed to stand and get myself to the car before he got there. I drove myself to the hospital and when I went to get out of the car I couldn't stand up again. I pulled myself up by sheer strength of will and my arms only and was supporting myself between the door and the roof of the car when a man found me. He was kind enough to go into the hospital and get me a wheelchair and wheel me in.

Anyway it took 6 months of therapy and 2 years to get myself right again. The moral is "DON'T SCARE THE FUCK OUT OF LITTLE KIDS WITHOUT PROTECTION!!!"