There is only grief

My brother has finally been found guilty of the murder of my sister-in-law. I have never pretended that he was innocent from the second that I heard about it. In fact I had waited on him to kill somebody from the time that I was nineteen. I know that this ordeal is not over. He will use every appeal known to man. More than likely he will not receive life and when he comes out of prison he will have years of wanting revenge against those who did not support him during the trial stored up inside him.

There is no joy with the verdict. I am not happy for my brother, me, my niece or nephew or even Lisa's family. An old wound is hurting and it probably has alot to do with my ill health of the past few weeks. Most of my hospitilizations seem to coincide with his trial dates. My family doesn't understand this effect on me. Even those who try to be compassionate come across as merely wanting to gossip. They just treat me as being stubborn for not wanting to discuss the situation with them.

I don't want to hear from those who think that this is a victory. I don't want to hear from those who think this is a travesty of justice. I just want to be left alone to deal with this in my own way.