The rules of rural West Virginia

1. PULL YOUR DROOPY PANTS UP. YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT. (UNLESS YOU'RE A PLUMMER)

2. TURN YOUR CAP THE RIGHT WAY, YOUR HEAD ISN'T CROOKED.

3. LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT; IT'S CALLED A 'DIRT ROAD.' NO MATTER HOW SLOW
YOU DRIVE, YOU'RE GOING TO GET DUST ON YOUR LEXUS. DRIVE IT OR GET OUT OF
THE WAY.

4. THEY ARE CATTLE. THEY'RE LIVE STEAKS. THAT'S WHY THEY SMELL FUNNY TO
YOU, GET OVER IT. DON'T LIKE IT? I-64 GOES EAST AND WEST, I-77& I-79 GO
NORTH AND SOUTH. PICK ONE.

5. SO YOU HAVE A $60,000 CAR. WE'RE IMPRESSED. WE HAVE $100,000 TRACTORS
AND HAY BALERS THAT ARE DRIVEN ONLY 3 WEEKS A YEAR.

6.. SO EVERY PERSON IN RURAL WEST VIRGINIA WAVES. WE THINK OF IT AS
BEING FRIENDLY. TRY TO UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT.

7. IF THAT CELL PHONE RINGS WHILE AN 8-POINT BUCK AND 3 DOES ARE COMING
IN, WE WILL SHOOT IT OUT OF YOUR HAND. YOU BETTER HOPE YOU DON'T HAVE IT
UP TO YOUR EAR AT THE TIME.

8. YEAH, WE EAT FRIED POTATOES, GRAVY, BEANS & CORNBREAD. WE FRY OUR FISH AFTER CATCHIN' 'EM'. YOU REALLY WANT SUSHI & CAVIAR? IT'S AVAILABLE AT THE CORNER BAIT SHOP.

9. TO US, THE 'OPENER' REFERS TO THE FIRST DAY OF DEER SEASON. IT'S A RELIGIOUS HOLIDAY HELD ON THE MONDAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING.

10. WE OPEN DOORS FOR WOMEN. THAT IS APPLIED TO ALL WOMEN, REGARDLESS OF AGE.

11. NO, THERE'S NO 'VEGETARIAN SPECIAL' ON THE MENU. ORDER COUNTRY HAM OR FRIED CHICKEN OR YOU CAN ORDER THE CHEF'S SALAD AND PICK OFF THE 2 POUNDS OF HAM & TURKEY.

12.THERE ARE THREE MAIN DISHES: MEATS (INCLUDES FISH), VEGETABLES, AND BREADS. WE USE FOUR SPICES: SALT, PEPPER, HOT SAUCE AND KETCHUP. OH, YEAH...WE DON'T CARE WHAT YOU FOLKS IN JERSEY CALL THAT STUFF YOU EAT...IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! !!

13. YOU BRING 'COKE' INTO THE HOUSE, IT BETTER BE BROWN, WET AND SERVED
OVER ICE.

14. YOU BRING 'MARY JANE' INTO THE HOUSE, SHE BETTER BE CUTE, KNOW HOW TO SHOOT, AND HAVE LONG HAIR.

15. COLLEGE AND HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL ARE AS IMPORTANT HERE AS PRO BALL, AND A LOT MORE FUN TO WATCH.

16. YEAH, WE HAVE GOLF COURSES. BUT DON'T HIT THE WATER HAZARDS---IT
SPOOKS THE FISH.

17. COLLEGES? WE HAVE THEM ALL OVER. WE HAVE STATE UNIVERSITIES, COMMUNITY COLLEGES, AND VO-TECHS. THEY COME OUT OF THERE WITH AN EDUCATION PLUS A LOVE OF GOD AND COUNTRY, AND THEY STILL WAVE AT EVERYBODY WHEN THEY COME HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS.

18. WE HAVE A WHOLE TON OF FOLKS IN THE ARMY, NAVY, AIR FORCE, AND
MARINES.. SO DON'T MESS WITH US. IF YOU DO, YOU WILL GET WHIPPED BY THE
BEST.

19. TURN DOWN THAT CAR STEREO! THAT THUMPITY-THUMP NOISE AIN'T
MUSIC, ANYWAY. WE DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE THAN WE WANT TO SEE YOUR BOXERS. REFER BACK TO #1.

20. 4 INCHES ISN'T A BLIZZARD-IT'S A FLURRY. DRIVE IN IT LIKE YOU HAVE SOME
SENSE , AND DON'T TAKE ALL THE BREAD, MILK, AND TOILET PAPER FROM THE
GROCERY STORES. THIS AIN'T ALASKA !! WORST CASE... YOU MAY HAVE TO LIVE A
WHOLE DAY WITHOUT CROISSANTS. OUR PICKUPS WITH SNOW BLADES WILL HAVE YOU OUT THE NEXT DAY.



A TRUE WEST VIRGINIAN WILL PASS THESE ON!!!!!!!

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