Dwayne's First Trip to the Beach

I had a nephew named Dwayne. He was raised up a hollow in Boone County and had none of the advantages of life. Bobby and I used to take him and do things with him but when we moved to Florida we only saw him in the summer. We brought him to Florida one summer and we took him for his first trip to the beach. He was 12 years old.

We were having a ball with him and enjoying all the things you enjoy with a child who has never been to the beach before. He was afraid to go past the foam that the waves had strewn across the beach at first. He would tippy toe through in laughing delightedly. We played in the sand and slowly built his confidence up so that he could go into the ocean with one of us after awhile.

Bobby went to get us some snacks and while he was gone Dwayne and I were lounging on our beach blankets when I saw a man coming in the distance. As he got closer I saw it was a man of 50 or 60 years of age and he was wearing a speedo. He had a big, pot belly and in no way had any business wearing such skimpy beach attire but I didn't pay too much attention until I saw Dwayne staring quite obviously at the man. Dwayne had never been to a public pool, much less the beach, and he didn't quite know what to think about a man dressed like that in public. I whispered to him to not stare because it was not polite and I tried to distract him.

I was doing fine with my little distractions until the man walked past us. Not only was he wearing a speedo but he was wearing a THONG SPEEDO! Dwayne saw the man's big, fat, hairy buttcheeks and he lost it. He laid down on the beach roaring with laughter and pointing at the man. I moved to try to calm the child and to stop his very loud, public display of mirth at the man's choice of attire (or lack of it). THERE WAS NO STOPPING HIM. He laughed and rolled and pointed and I desperately stepped up my attempts to stop him because you just never know how somebody will react to someone so obviously (and deservedly) making fun of them.

The man walked about 100 feet past us and then he turned around and he was obviously enraged. As he stalked toward us glaring and ready to tell me and Dwayne off at the bare minimum, I could do nothing but beg Dwayne to stop laughing. It was an awful situation to be in. When he got about 20 feet from us, all of a sudden he turned around and walked away. I was so relieved. I guess he saw that he was dealing with a woman and a child and maybe, just maybe, he may have realized he deserved Dwayne's reaction to that tiny, little thong he was wearing.

Later as I tried to explain to Dwayne that you just don't react to people like that in public. He would just exclaim, "but did you see his butt, Aunt Pam!" I don't think I ever got across to him how much danger we were possibly in.