Things I Say to Customers on a Regular Basis

1. "If that is the worst thing to happen to you/me today then life is good " I usually say this when some small faux pas has taken place in the transaction. People usually smile and agree with me.

2. "The less we see of you the better off you are" People usually have to think about that one. I work in a pharmacy so if we don't see you then you must be doing fine.

3. "Well if you are bad, you generally know it right off the bat." That's what I say to people who say, "I don't know," when I ask them how they are doing today.

4. "Don't forget the ice." People keep buying ice and then they walk right past the ice machine and don't pick it up on their way out the door.

5. "Don't forget the chocolate, it will make peace in the household." I tell this to men/women who are purchasing feminine hygiene products. Many times it gets a laugh and a candy bar thrown up on the counter. (although it did backfire on me one time when a woman had severe PMS - but she started laughing when she got to the door and said, "OH, I GET IT!"

6. "We don't have married blunts" This is my reply to customers who come in and ask for a single - if they are already stoned they don't get it OR they find it hilarious.

7. "I'll help the next person in line - except for that guy over there" Reserved for that tension filled moment when a line of people see me opening up and they are wondering who should go first. The comment is always aimed at a regular customer whom I have deep affection for.

8. "I was having a good day until I saw you!" Another comment for regular customers. For some reason the meaner I am to them the more they like it.

9. "Let me call the manager for you so you can get the service you deserve." I do this to customers who are being true, blue ASSHOLES! Then they have to wait for the manager to come up front and rering them (I clear the transaction) and the manager can see what a DILDO I am having to deal with in case they actually have the nerve to call and complain.

10. "Have a nice evening" Standard close with a smile.