WARNING: I SHOOT SHOPLIFTERS

Last night at work I had the BRILLIANT IDEAof loading one of the BB guns that we sell and shooting some of our regular shoplifters that come through.

While I was laughing about it with coworkers I looked up to see a state policeman. I asked him if he would arrest me for shooting shoplifters with a BB gun. He smiled and told me he would have to arrest me for malicious wounding.

I said, "well I don't have any malicious intent - I just want to have a little fun."

He said, " then they could sue you."

"Well that's just perfect," I told him. "They can sue me for everything I own because I don't have anything. So that is no deterrent!"

Then my friend, Dick, a lawyer, came in. I asked him if he would represent me if I shot a shoplifter with a BB gun. He cocked an eyebrow and smiled and said, "since it's you, yes." Dick is one of our meanest, grouchiest, most crotchety customers. (we get along great - all the other cashiers are scared of him) He also happens to be a nationally reknown defense attorney who has been know to defend celebreties in the past.

So now I'm set. I have my defense lawyer and I can fire at will!!!