I awoke completely defeated
are these memories woven into a dream
there was the twitch
the twitch that came when he was trying to be convincing and he knew he was failing
a twitch that took over his lip, his eye, his face, his head
fear caused me to pant which he took as excitement and increased his ministrations
I face him, I hoped I would never see him again
There he was looking at me lovingly with those eyes
knowing I didn't want him but convincing himself it wasn't true
his love won
a gentle whisper forced another dream
grateful it wasn't real this time
I recognize this place of fear
I have been here before
They cheated him but they blamed him in their greed
money justifys so much
dirt stained hands smell of sweat
so happy to see me as he blocks my escape
I hate you
I love you
The pressure to yield as he loves me
overwhelms me
he can't grasp my fear is greater than my love as he ever so gently raped me
I went to another place of disbelief
desperation building in his face
the hard, cool ground beneath me
his face haunts me
I can see the love, the confusion, the drugs, it's all there
the desperation as he moved toward me
intimidating but so gentle
I can't breath
fear is my only comfort
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