Things I've Learned Over the Years

1. Just because the bottle says perfume - DOES NOT MEAN IT SMELLS GOOD!

2. Big dicks hurt

3. Little dicks don't get the job done (although a good man knows how to compensate)

4. If something smells bad - DON'T STICK IT UNDER MY NOSE AND SAY "SMELL THIS". I promise I will take your word for it!

5. Don't have sex in the snow...it takes a long time for a 5 foot popsicle to thaw.

6. If you use a pen and it doesn't write - throw it in the trash can- don't put it back.

7. If you see me on the highway - get the hell out of my way!!! (I cuss everybody who has the audacity to be in front of me. It is great stress relief. However it is highly embarassing when somebody notices you doing it - hehe)

8. Go ahead and say what everybody else is thinking - they will thank you for it later (usually)

9. It usually takes more energy to figure out ways to get out of doing something than to just go ahead and do it.

10. Everybody wants to help, until they have to contribute time or effort or money.

11. A little kindness goes a long way, however if you want to get the job done quickly then being a bitch works so much better.

WHILE THE REST OF YOU ARE TRYING HARD TO BE A BITCH...I AM TRYING HARD NOT TO BE ONE!