Out of the Frying Pan and Into the Fire!

WHEN I MOVED BACK FROM FLORIDA IT WAS JANUARY AND I THOUGHT I HAD BROUGHT BACK ALL MY HEAVIEST WINTER CLOTHES. I QUICKLY DISCOVERED THAT AFTER LIVING IN FLORIDA FOR FIVE YEARS, I HAD NO WINTER CLOTHES. I ABSOLUTELY COULD NOT GET WARM.

I KEPT MY THERMOSTAT ON 90 DEGREES OR MORE AND WHEN PEOPLE CAME TO VISIT ME THEY COULDN'T GET THEIR BREATH BECAUSE IT WAS SO HOT IN MY HOUSE(THEY THOUGHT-NOT ME)

ONE DAY I HAD THE BRILLIANT IDEA OF HOW TO GET WARM.

I HAD A HAMMOCK.

I HAD A FLOOR FURNACE.

I SET UP MY HAMMOCK OVER THE FLOOR FURNACE.

THE WHOLE TIME I WAS WHISTLING IN ANTICIPATION OF FINALLY BEING WARM FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A MONTH!

I EASED MYSELF INTO THE HAMMOCK AND IT TOOK ABOUT 10 SECONDS FOR ME TO DISCOVER THAT THIS WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA. MY ASS WAS ON FIRE. I WAS LITERALLY COOKING OVER THE FLAME. TO MAKE THINGS WORSE THERE WAS VERY LITTLE ROOM ON EACH SIDE OF THE FURNACE (IT WAS IN THE HALLWAY) AND I HAD TO EASE MYSELF OUT OF THE HAMMOCK WITHOUT FALLING ONTO THE GRILL OF THE FURNACE BELOW! IT WAS TRULY AN "OUT OF THE FRYING PAN INTO THE FIRE" SITUATION.

AFTER EXTRICATING MYSELF FROM THIS PAINFUL SITUATION I LOOKED IN THE MIRROR AT MY BOTTOM. IT HAD GRIDDLE MARKS ON IT IN THE SHAPE OF THE HAMMOCK. MY ASS LITERALLY LOOKED LIKE TWO GIANT HAMS THAT HAD JUST COME OUT OF THE OVEN!