****WARNING***HUMOR ALERT***WARNING***
Water Emergency has unexpected effect.
(WSTD
NEWS) The current water crisis centered in Charleston, WV has affected
the lives of thousands of peace loving methamphetamine addicts that feel
compelled to rush to the scene.
"There's
METH in the water!" shouted Billy "Two Teeth" Mullins as he loaded up
his kinfolk and moved to Beverly, which is stupid because Beverly is
entirely on the wrong side of the state. His entire family braved the
trip in the back of his pickup truck while his beloved coon hound Rosco
rode shotgun.
Self-proclaimed Sudafed broker Jesse Pinkman
complained, "I ain't never drunk so much water in all my life and all I
get is a burning sensation. Bitch!" His shadowy companion, known only as
Heisenberg, stated "Methylcyclohexanol, eh. Well, there METH in there
somewhere and I'll find it!." The two drove away from Go Mart followed
by an explosion, a train derailment and leaving a trail of bodies in
their wake not seen since the "sniper" attacks of August 2003.
Since
the influx of WV H2O groupies, car thefts are up (particularly those
with kids inside), telephone and electrical service is spotty because of
the downed cables and there's not a ho-ho or box of sudafed to be found
in town.
To combat the emergency situation Gov. Earl Ray Tomblin
has ordered mandatory dental cleaning for all occupants of the area.
"If that doesn't work, next comes healthy, nutritious meals followed by
enforcement of a personal hygiene code by the National Guard," said the
Governor. "Those water tankers can have multiple uses!"
To drive the point home, Gov. Tomblin ended his statement by saying, "Don't make me come down there! You won't like it!"
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