Saturday, October 18, 2008

Devil Anse Hatfield

Pretty much everybody has heard of the Hatfield and McCoy feud. The leader of the Hatfield clan was Devil Anse Hatfield. The Hatfield family cemetery was about 1/2 a mile around the mountain from my Granny Brennan's house. Sometimes we would sneak around the mountain (we weren't allowed that far from the house) to play in the cemetery. We thought it was haunted.
Devil Anse' grave had a life size statue of him which was imported from Italy at the head of his grave. It was weather beaten and overgrown with vines. A ring of faded white-washed stones surrounded his sunken-in grave. The whole cemetery was overgrown with weeds and vines and the tombstones looked better than any that you can find in a horror movie. We never stayed long because the joke was to play hide and seek and everybody would leave you behind and not look for you. All of a sudden you would find yourself alone in a haunted cemetery!
On the sign marking the entrance to the cemetery it says "Devil Anse Hatfield is buried here. He was the leader of his clan in the bitter family feud with the McCoys. A life-sized statue modeled from photographs and imported from Italy marks his grave. "
Now the cemetery is a tourist attraction. You don't have to pay to see it or anything. It's purpose is to attract tourists to Logan, W.V. and it does. The Hatfield Cemetery has been refurbished and cleaned up and is a proper monument to the dead. I think it was better when we were kids though.

The Abortion Song

My niece has requested the Abortion Song. It is actually a joke. When and if Robin sees this she can make any necessary corrections.
A woman goes to a dr. and requests an abortion. He gives her a little blue pill. She goes home and takes it and the fetus is aborted. Nine months later she gives birth to a newborn baby girl. When the baby comes out she jumps up and belts out this song while doing a little dance and waving a top hat:
Duh Duh Du Du Duh (musical build up)
You Killed My Brother but You didn't Kill Me!
Duh duh Du Du Duh
I Hid Behind My Mother's Left Kidney!
Baby takes a bow.

The Chicken Song

My dad used to sing this song to us when we were children much to my mom's chagrin. I am not sure but the song probably has it's roots in an Appalachian folksong.
When you sing it, belt out the first word and say all the words in the rest of the line real fast.

Maa-ma! killed a chicken but she thought it was a duck.
Pu-ut! it in the pot with it's feet stickin' up.
Coould-n't! keep from laughin' to save my soul.
As the grease ran out - the old ducks elbow!

on that last line you sing the first part fast and add on the last part. (make it rhyme)
I have a feeling that my mom would get mad because these are the words that I figured out in early adulthood:

Maa-ma! killed a chicken and she didn't give a fuck!
Pu-ut! it in the pot with it's ass stickin' up.
Coould-n't! keep from laughin' to save my soul.
As the grease ran out - the old duck's asshole!

It's Not Nice To Fool Mother Nature!

Do you remember:
1. dippity do!
2. James Arness Jr.
4. when it was called playing dr. - not sexual harrassment
5. Johnny Whitaker
6. Hating Nixon because they took Mr. Cartoon off to broadcast the Watergate Trials!
7. Bobby Sherman
8. Opening the door for YOUR mystery date
9. hunting for pop bottles
10. Standing at attention while they raised the American Flag and reciting the Pledge of Allegiance every morning
11. wishing for a private line instead of a party line
Here is a test to tell if somebody is under 40. They can't remember the "Frito Bandito"!
And am I the only one who remembers cutting records off the back of Raisin Bran Boxes?