Saturday, October 2, 2010

The War Dance

When I was in the process of leaving my ex one of the stranger things he did was take the giant bag that I had saved all of our receipts in for the year (tax purposes) and burn it. I watched him take that bag and build a fire in the front yard and do a war dance around it whooping and hollering the whole time proclaiming his victory over the world at the same time.

I did not say I word. I did not try to stop him even though I knew I was watching the difference of paying substantial taxes and getting a refund go up in smoke before my eyes. I let him burn it because also, contained in that bag, was the receipt that the police had given him when they had confiscated his guns when I had called them about the domestic violence.

Without that receipt he had no chance of getting those guns back - ever.

It was money well spent.

My Hostage

When I left my husband he had taken what he thought was a precautionary measure to stop me. He took all my diamond rings and held them hostage. If he had been in his right mind he would have known that I would never have stayed with him for anything so trivial but I did want my rings. So, right before I walked out the door, I took a diamond ring that his dad had given him before he died to be my hostage.

I had no intention of keeping the ring. I knew it would be just the leverage I needed to get my ring back. I took off up interstate 95 from West Palm Beach headed for West Virginia and family. Along the way I learned he had cancelled all the credit cards except for a gas card which was enough to get me home and feed me along the way.

I stopped at a rest area in Melbourne, Florida and used the opportunity to clean out my car. I left. About 2 hours up the road (Daytona, Florida) I realized that one of the bags that I had thrown away contained Bobby's diamond ring. My heart dropped and I immediately did a U-turn and headed back to the rest area 2 hours away.

I was going south. The rest area was on the north side of the freeway. Just when I got next to the rest area (facing the wrong way on the interstate) I saw a garbage truck pull up to the exact trash can that I had thrown the ring away in. I had to dart across the median (thank God, it was a nice flat spot and I could do it!) and speed into the rest area with my horn blowing. Of course the garbage man that was carrying the trash can to the truck was paying absolutely no attention to my blowing horn and I pulled up and jumped out of my car yelling for him to stop!

The look on his face said, "what in the world is this crazy lady doing?!?" I got him to put down the trash can and frantically started to search through the trash. Not too far down I found the bag and when I pulled out a diamond ring the guy said, "geez, I'm going to have to start routing through the trash myself."

Anyway. Ring Saved. I got my rings back as soon as Bobby learned that I had his dad's ring and I safely mailed his ring back to him. I didn't even want to imagine what would have happened if I hadn't retrieved that ring. He would never have believed that I had thrown it away accidentally.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Books that Meant the World to Me When I Was Growing Up

1. Walking Tall - I read it about 10 times

2. Christy - I read it at least 4 times

3. The whole Black Stallion Series

4. Any Biography or Autobiography

5. Cammie's Choice, Cammie's Challenge and there was a third one in the series that I can't recall the name of. It was about a girl that wanted to ride hunters (horses) and the work she did to make her dream come alive.

6. All Creatures Great and Small, All Creatures Bright and Beautiful and the rest of the James Herriot collection.

7. Loves Tender Fury - the first romance novel that my mom allowed me to read (7th. grade). I read all 500 pages in one day on our way back from Florida.

8. The Alfred Hitchcock Mysteries ( a series about child private eyes)

9. The Girl Who Owned a City and Zanballer - books where girls ran the show

10. My prized possession was my bookshelf. I had a collection of over 300 books and I treasured each and every one of them. I read a book a day, sometimes more, for years. No one ever saw me without a book in my hands. The library was my favorite place and the apple tree next door. I would sit up in a crook in the tree and read and eat apples to my hearts content.

A Grease Fire

When I was in jr. high school. I was frying a piece of fish. The pan caught on fire. I calmly picked up the pan and walked with it to the sink. I put the pan in the sink. I turned on the faucet.

the whole wall exploded in fire quicker than you can blink!

I squealed for my "Mommy". She was in the other room vacuuming the floor. She dropped the vacuum cleaner and came running because she heard that tone of fear in her child's voice that no mother ever wants to hear. I know that she put out the fire. I don't remember that part. She was not mad. She was glad that I was alive. She was glad the house didn't burn down.

She immediately taught me the proper way to put out a grease fire - smother it. Use a lid, throw salt on it, throw flour on it. You have to take away the oxygen supply. Oil and water do not mix. Water spreads the oil. Oil spreads the fire.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Stopping a Shoplifter - who was right? who was wrong?

Here is what happened the first time I almost got fired for stopping a shoplifter. The only reason I wasn't fired is because I took a 6 month long leave of absence to care for my sick father a week after this happened. The leave was planned.

I was walking through the store and I observed a boy (age 10 to 12) opening a toy phone and taking it from the box and putting it in his pocket. I knew this boy. He came in the store a couple of times a week to buy candy and such and he was generally alone.

I walked up to him and picked up the empty box (the phone was only $1.00). I asked him where the phone was that I saw him take out of the box. I told him he wouldn't be in any trouble if he just gave it back to me. At first he denied it and I repeated he wasn't in any trouble, I just wanted the phone back. He gave it back.

I thanked him for giving it back and I told him he would have to leave the store. My goal wasn't to get him in trouble it was just to scare him a little so he wouldn't shoplift again. He asked me if he could stay and I told him "no" and I followed him out of the store. Let me repeat that I had seen the boy in the store alone more times than I could count.

Bob was the cashier that day and he saw me walk the boy out. When he asked what was going on I told him. About a 1/2 hour later I was stalking and I asked Bob,"when I walked that boy out did he look like he was mad that I had caught him or did he look ashamed about being caught?"

Bob laughed and said,"he looked like he was ashamed for what he had done."

"Good," I said, "that's what I was hoping for. Maybe he won't do it again." We started to laugh.

Just about that time a woman walked up to me and asked me if I had seen her little boy. My stomach sunk. I asked her to describe him. She did. It was the boy. I told her that I had seen him and I told her exactly what happened.

She freaked out! She said I had put her son in danger of child molesters. She said some man had followed her around the store the whole time she had been in there. She generally went nuts. (by the way her son was in the car) She wanted me fired. It didn't matter that I was trying to do him a favor by not turning him into managment.

She denied he was shoplifting as MOST parents do I have learned. She was also furious that Bob and I had been laughing about it even though we were just laughing because it sounded like he had learned his lesson. It was also AT LEAST a 1/2 an hour (maybe longer) before she started to look for her son. Which shows she knew he was some place familiar and safe and she didn't have to watch him every second like you would in a bigger store. (we get that a lot in our store by the way)

I admit I was wrong when I didn't find out if his mother was in the store with him. But I knew the kid and I knew he was in the store all the time. I would much rather have handed him over to her to begin with but that was when I was younger and dumber and thought all parents were like my mom and would take appropriate action when their child was caught stealing.

Now, we just let them steal to their hearts content. Nobody wants to lose their job.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Did You Know We Have 2 Blood Pressures?

I didn't but I do now. We have the blood pressure that they check in your arm. My blood pressure there has been good for years now with the help of medication.

We also have a blood pressure in our lungs. Apparently my blood pressure there is terrible. Now they have switched me from a C-pap to a Bi-pap. I think that means I am worse.

I LOVED the C-pap and I wanted to marry it.

I HATE the Bi-pap and I think I would be just as well off with nothing. I am trying to use it. I am not sleeping again.


Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Monday, September 27, 2010

Saturday's in the 50's

My mom grew up on a farm in Sarah Ann, West Virginia in the 50's. In her early years she would get up and watch shows like Tom Mix and Wagon Train (I think that is what she told me anyway) and Howdy Doody. She would put on her cowgirl outfit and sit in front of the tv and eat her breakfast from a tin pan just like the cowboys did.

When she grew older she was allowed to take the bus into Omar. I think it cost her a nickel for a hotdog and milkshake and maybe even the movie as well. One time her dad told her to stay in town and watch the movie twice and he gave her extra money to do it. She decided to go home anyway.

When she got home she found out her dad had killed her pet calf. He had given her the extra money because he didn't want her to find out what had happened to her calf. Of course she cried and she said she couldn't eat the meat that the family got from it. It was a farm afterall, so she understood why her dad had killed the calf, but it was still her pet.

My mom had 17 cats. Dotsie had her nose kicked up between her eyes by a rabbit. She said for the whole rest of Dotsie's life she could hear the sloshing of each breath that she took. Another of her favorite cat's was Tarzan. She said he froze to death sitting on a rock in the middle of the creek one night. When she found him the next day he was still sitting there.

10 Questions - doin' it Verbal Style

Blog Entry 10 Questions - Doin It Verbal Style Sep 22, '10 12:39 PM
for everyone

There are way too many quizzes out there, and some of the questions overlap. So it's my turn to ask you some life-altering questions to REALLY get to know you. Try not to think about your answers for too long... just write the first thing you think of, and have fun. Post here, or send in a PM if you're feeling shy.

1) You have all the resources in the world, and you can change one thing about the world permanently in the next 24 hours. No one will fight or argue with your decision to change this. What would you change? It can be something personal or something on a larger scale.

2) You have the power to make one person in the world disappear. The disappearance would happen silently and non-violently, but it would be permanent. It would be as if this person never existed in the first place. Who would it be, and why? Again, it could be someone you know personally, or someone known on a larger scale.

3) One choice for your last time ever. We'll play this "Clue" style. Pick a person, a place, and a thing. Person: your boo, a stranger, a celebrity (please include a name), two hotties. Place: the kitchen, the bedroom, a yacht, the 50 yard line, a dimly lit warehouse. Thing: handcuffs, whip cream, a camcorder, satin sheets. ONE choice from each is all you get.

4) Tell us ONE thing that NO ONE on M-ply knows about you. (note - we don't care what your favorite color, food, or car is. Make it something good)

5) Tell us a GOOD joke. It can be a knock, knock joke or a one liner or a funny story. Whatever you do, make us laugh. Or... it can be one that makes you laugh all on your own. Ready? Go.

6) Build your perfect boo from the floor up. Shorthand too... I realize that this could become a very long blog for some of you. Height, weight, build, personality, features, style, etc.

7) Fill in the blank: The hardest, yet the smartest, decision I've ever made was _________.

8) Fill in the blank: The funniest term for a sexual stunt I've ever heard is ________, which is _________. (Imaginary bonus points - did you try it?)

9) If you could put ONLY ONE item on your bucket list, what would it be and why?

10) What is the ONE song you'd have as your personal theme song when you walked into a room? (More imaginary bonus points if you post a video of it right here).

"Here come the Skipper"

I guess I got my disdain for authority figures from my dad. He used to serve on the USS Oriskany. He loved to tell this story.

His best friends name was Lipscomb. One day my dad strode on deck and blew the whistle and stood at full attention and announced, "Attention on deck, here comes the skipper." At which time everyone on deck came to attention.

Then along comes Lipscomb skipping across the deck!

Daddy said he got some kind of demotion because of this little prank. He always laughed whenever he told the story. He thought it was hilarious.

No Hunting

When I had my 100 acres, I didn't allow hunting except for a select few people. It was actually an animal paradise and I wanted to keep it that way. One day I had the priviledge of watching a 16 point and an 18 point buck do battle in my front yard for about 45 minutes over a doe that was grazing nearby. As she meandered along, just grazing here and there they followed her with their horns locked practically the whole way. I learned after living there for awhile that they were actually buddies that hung out together. You know how it is though once a woman becomes involved.

The hunters would tear down my "no hunting "signs, so I started to stencil "no hunting" on the trees and telephone poles. I also went deep into the woods and I spray painted big blotches of orange paint on the trees so that a hunter would have to investigate before he could take a shot. (my theory was that he would have to look twice to make sure that a hunter wasn't in the way of his shot) I also tore the steps out of tree stands so that hunters couldn't climb to their vantage points. My favorite thing to do and the most effective is that I would go out right at daybreak and I would race all over the 100 acres blowing my car horn and blinking my lights. I saw whole herds of deer run away when I did this. I also saw more than one hunter cussing me in my rearview mirror!

For every respectful hunter there is an asshole that just wants to go out and get drunk and shoot anything that moves. My biggest fear is that someone would mistake one of my greyhounds for a deer and shoot it. (they do look similiar afterall) Once I found a dead deer and the only thing the hunter bothered to take with him was one hind leg. What a waste! If you are going to go to the trouble of killing it - at least eat it! My neighbor complained to me once that someone had actually shot into the side of his house. I told him the only thing that I could tell him to do was to call the police because nobody had permission to hunt there anyway. We all know what good that would do.

Anyway I adored my 100 acres and I wish I was still there.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

The Repo Man

One time when my car was getting repo'ed, I found a cat. This cat looked extremely disheveled and was the weirdest shade of gray that I had ever seen. I was switching out cars and the cat just walked up and started rubbing himself on my legs so I loaded him up and took him home.

When we got home, we got out of the car and he jumped out of my arms and ran under my house. I did not see him again for 2 months but I knew he was there because the food I kept setting out for him was disappearing. One day I walked out of the house and there sat this stunningly beautiful, solid white cat. At first I didn't recognize him and then I realized it was The Repo Man (as I had affectionately dubbed him). From that day on he was a constant and faithful companion. I guess he wanted to make himself presentable before he became friends. I can't imagine the hours of washing it took for him to get rid of that dark, grey palor!

The reason The Repo Man was grey in the first place is because I had picked him up in a place called Black Bottom in Logan, West Virginia. Black Bottom is so named because it used to flood 2 or 3 times a year and everything would be covered with black, river mud. (now that the R.D. Bailey dam has been built it only floods once every 3 to 5 years - our federal tax dollars at work! Commerce is thriving there now.)

As to why my car was getting repo'ed, that was deliberate. I had bought the car from my boss. After that I was fired from my job (the only job that I was ever fired from) but that is not what the problem was. I continued to faithfully pay for the car until one of my greyhounds was returned to me injured. It was not just any injury, it was the same injury that I had heard the trainer of the kennel brag about inflicting on another dog when I was working in the kennel. I couldn't do anything about it because I had no proof.

From that day forward I quit paying for the car. I was also living on my 100 acres so I used the car for a work truck. This caused the car a lot of damage. (none of it deliberately inflicted) I can guarantee you that the car did not feel an ounce of pain from the damage - unlike my poor dog, who had an extremely painful muscle tear!