Wednesday, August 8, 2012

My Night Out Against Crime Began With My Keys Being Stolen

...they were stolen because of my forgetfulness. Which is beside the point but at least the considerate (but stupid) thief left my truck key and my apartment key.
I went downstairs to buy a pepsi and eat my leftover chinese for breakfast. I went on outside to enjoy said breakfast before the heat of the day made it impossible to go outside. As I was enjoying my morning and watching the other residents come and go, Vera came out and asked if I had perhaps lost my keys.   I knew the second she asked that of course I had, so I jumped up and thanked her and retrieved my keys and sat back down to enjoy my morning once more.  Grateful the whole time that no one had stolen my keys.
I went to go back into the building and when I went to swipe my fob!  Some sun of a beetch had stolen my fob right off my keyring and I couldn't get back into the building.  Fortunately somebody must have seen me fumbling around and buzzed me in.  (there is a camera in the lobby and we can watch people come and go on stuff actually.
Then I realized that I couldn't get on the elevator for another 20 minutes because as an added security feature in our building between 8 pm and 8 am you have to come to the lobby to let someone come up to your apartment so you have to swipe the same fob to get the elevator to work as you do to get the front lobby door to open.
So I decided to go into the television room and watch a little tv and wait for the elevator to unlock itself.  That's when I discovered my thief had also stolen the key to the tv room as well as to the laundry room and the public restroom!  Now I was really on fire because I didn't know if the thief had stolen the laundry room key or my apartment key which actually look identical on the keyring.
Once I gained access to the elevator I found out I had my apartment key.  So once again I was relieved that at least I could get into my apartment and they had not stolen my truck.  Talk about a pisser, I can just imagine sitting there enjoying my breakfast and watching my own truck drive right past me.
What the idiot thief also didn't realize that I had left my keys lying on the table in the Lobby in full view of the camera.  They had removed the fob and the laundry room key and politely left my apartment key and truck key on the table all in full view of the camera.  Also the fob can be tracked and they can tell who is using it once I report it missing...Ed also can deactivate it but only after he uses it to catch the perpetrator.
Then last night our building was having a get together to observe National Night Out Against Crime.  We were supposed to have some of those 6 foot long subs from Subway.  Wouldn't you just know that right before Ed got there to pick them up some "young, black, female" told them she was there from Lee Terrace and STOLE OUR SUBS!
It's all comical in it's irony!

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

My 50th. Birthday Card

S Superman, Poseidon of the Sea

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Life with her was like a Disney movie (part 1)

I named her that because every day was like a Disney movie with her.

She was a black lab mix and the neighbors got her when she was around 6 weeks old. They promptly tied her to the fence and forgot about her. My other neighbors wanted to call the pound but I begged them not to. I told them I would find her a home because the pound would just kill her. They probably had 20 more just like her.

The neighbors fed and watered her. She struggled to get out of the hot sun by crawling under an abandoned car at the end of the six foot chain that was much too short for her. I couldn't find her a home. Then Daddy died. The last thing I did when I was moving was to go over and unhook her from her chain and load her into my van. I took her to my 35 acres that I was going to turn into a dog farm.

Of course she adored me. I gave her freedom and love. It didn't take long to learn that the 35 acres was not big enough to hold her. Even though she had free run she was tearing up everything in sight. She was bringing me neighbors possessions that I had no way of knowing who they belonged to or even of finding out where they came from.

Every day when I went to work she would follow me. The first half mile was a dirt road and then I had to cross a creek (no bridge). Then the road turned to pavement. At this point I would speed up and run off and leave her and she would turn and go back home - or roam the hills as the mood suited her.

One day there was a snow storm. She followed me out as she always did, only when I got to the main road I couldn't speed up because it was too icy. She followed me for about two miles. I was afraid to stop because of the road conditions so I kept going. When I got home that night she wasn't there. It took two days for the weather to settle enough for me to go look for her. I went to the last spot I had seen her and there were two old men talking beside the road. I asked if they had seen her. "Sure have," they replied. "She's over across the creek."

I looked across the creek and it was too icy for me to drove over there so I got out of my van and I yelled, "DISNEY!" I heard a crashing, thundering noise coming down the hill behind me. Disney was barking like mad and racing through the brush like it wasn't even there to get to me. She was thrilled that I had found her and we went home and resumed her hectic life.

The next time it snowed I kept her in the house when I went to work. There are not words to describe the scene of destruction that I came home to. I opened the door and she was sitting in the middle of a pile of debris (formerly my beloved possessions) a foot high, looking at me as if to say, "welcome home." I was so upset I had to close the door. I put her outside and I didn't look back in that room for 3 days. I knew I would kill her if I did.

Life with her was like a Disney movie (part 2)

A few months later I had to move again. There was not a lot of property but I built a large pen out of my whole back yard. I actually witnessed my 17 year old nephew pick up a telephone pole during that process. A quite impressive show of strength - but I digress. The pen was for Disney and Max and Skye. Max and Skye were my white german shepherds. I had allowed Disney and Skye free run of the farm but Max could not be trusted to run loose. He did get along well with Disney and Skye though - they were his private harem.

One day I came home from work and as soon as I saw Disney in the pen I knew something was wrong. Apparently while I was gone there had been a fight and Max and Skye tore her up pretty badly. I brought Disney in and nursed her back to health. This took several weeks as she had some rather serious wounds. Fortunately she didn't have the strength to tear the house up and she rather enjoyed the company of my yorkie and my maltese and my chinese crested.

I couldn't put Disney back out with Max and Skye again and I couldn't leave her in the house so I built her a large dog house and I had to chain her to it. I let her loose to run as often as I could. Unfortunately this led to another problem. SHE KEPT EATING HER DOGHOUSES! Almost as fast as I could build a new one she would chew it up so I was constantly in the process of building new houses for her. One day a branch fell off a tree and I watched her devour it. Her appetite for destruction led to someone calling the pound on me. Me! I have rescued more dogs and animals than most people can comprehend and here was the local dog catcher knocking on my door, checking on Disney.

I took him out to see her and I explained the situation to him. He observed the doghouse that she was tied to. At this point obviously unfit for habitation. He was also happy to observe that I had another house over halfway finished for her to go to. (it had been about a week since I tied her to the first house) Unfortunately neither house was quite ready for her to live in. Then he asked me, "why do you think she keeps doing this?"

My reply was, "I don't know. I've asked her a thousand times. Why don't you ask her and see what she tells you." I pointed out that boredom was the most likely culprit and I told him her history. I told him if he really thought she was abused then to go ahead and take her because I was doing the best I could with her. I pointed out that he would probably have to kill her because nobody else on earth was going to take care of her like I did. He left her alone with my assurances that I would finish the doghouse immediately which was my intention anyway.

One thing I did learn in rebuilding all these houses is that she liked a window in the back of the house. If she had a window in the back and a door in the front she was able to see all around and the houses would last twice as long. (about a month) Go figure.

Then I got sick. I had to find all my animals homes. First my Uncle Jimmy took Disney. He gave her back after 2 weeks. She was tearing out the insulation and heating vents under his house. Then I gave her to Sis. Sis knew she was Disney's last hope. She couldn't tolerate her either but she found her a home up the head of a hollow with a family that had kids. The last I heard Disney was still there.