Lesson Learned

I was on my beloved 100 acres one day and I decided to go to my car to get my duffle bag. Well I was already naked because I was going to take a shower but that didn't matter because I was in the middle of 100 acres by myself. When I got in my car I decided to move it to a more advantageous spot to leave. I figured why move it later when I can move it now. The easiest way to turn it around was to drive it down the hill and turn around beside the main road. So that is what I did.

Unfortunately for me the car got stuck in the mud. Here I was sitting beside the main road( it was 3:00 and school buses were going by and all the traffic that goes with them) stuck in the mud-buck naked. There were no clothes in the car or blankets or cover of any kind. It was hot that day and I sat there with the heat building up inside of the car because I didn't want to roll down the windows or somebody would see me.

Finally I saw my chance. There was a break in traffic. I threw open the door and started running for the woods. I couldn't run up the road because you could see to the top of the hill from the road. Right when I hit the woods a car rounded the curve. I don't know if it saw me but I do know that running up a mountain in bare feet(and body) is not a fun thing. The ground was full of rocks and briars and all sorts of painful things to hurt my tender skin.

I learned my lesson. I never drove my car naked again!

A Day in the Life of a Greyhound Trainer

5 am- 1st. turnout.

.on a good day go ahead and get beds done. (change pissy beds by throwing paper beds away. these beds are pulled from huge bales of shredded paper or pull carpet beds and put them in the dunk tank) every bed is shaken and swept to remove dust and to fluff them up

.on a bad day just rest.

.Constantly go into pens to pooper scoop or somebody will eat it.

6am - sprint dogs.

on a good day just put them in the sprint field and they will run and play.

.on a bad day run with them and inspire them to run when they don't want to.

.on a fun day trick some kid into running with them, they'll think they are having fun

7am -

.check previous night's racers for injuries

. make sure tonight's racers are fit

take care of sick and hurt dogs

weigh today and tomorrow's racers.(all dogs have to be within 1 1/2 pounds of a set weight or they can't run - if they can't run then you lose money and you get fined then they can't run for 10 days which costs you more money and you have to "official school" them back which is another race for no money)

8 am - feed them. most bitches get around 2 pounds of feed a day, most males get 2 1/2 to 3 pounds a day. racers get a little snack in the morning. (food looks like a giant bowl of cabbage roll stuffing after you mix it - beef, rice, vegetables, stress dex (electrolytes), Purina high pro dog food is the basic mix - everybody has their own magic formula.

9 am - 2nd. turnout.

1.do beds if you didn't do them first turnout

2. everybody is relaxing after a good meal

3. keep on pooper scoopin'

10 am - clean kennel and pens, go home

twice a week you have morning schooling. this is where you put new and injured dogs on the track at different distances. you have to hold them and let them go when the rabbit goes by and then run to the finish line and catch them before they have a chance to run off. if you are lucky you have help to do this. it adds approximately an hour to your morning.

3 pm - afternoon turnout. usually the longest most relaxing turnout.

1. everybody goes outside to clean out and stretch their legs.

2. usually racers have a separate turnout so that water can be regulated.

3. weigh and snack racers

4. pick up pens again

6 pm - official weigh in

1. turnout and check racers weights one more time before loading dogs in truck to go to track

2. take dogs to track where they are weighed and their tattoos are checked to make sure the right dog is there

3. official schooling is twice a week. pups and dogs working back from injuries or whatever are raced at official distances in front of the judges to prove they are ready for official races. this takes about another hour and a half - usually until 7:30 when official races start.

7:30 to whenever you are finished racing

1. pick up all dogs in races and cool them out by hosing them down and walking them and giving them water. You can have as little as one dog in (rare) or as many as 10 or so, it just depends on the luck of the draw.

2. do night turnout. everybody goes outside again to pee and stretch their legs for a half hour to an hour depending on the weather and your race schedule. more pooper scoopin'!

3. after races are over feed and check racers for injuries. turn them out to pee and rest a little outside.

4. go home (it is somewhere between 11pm and 1 am and you have to be back at 5 in the morning to do it all over again.

this schedule in all it's variations is done 7 days a week - 365 days a year. if you are lucky you have help. if you don't have help you do it anyway. there is no racing on Christmas and Thanksgiving but you still have to go to the kennel and take care of the dogs because they don't know it's a holiday. (all 4 turnouts, all day long)

you don't do this job for the money although the money is good. (actually everybody gets a salary because you work 70 to 80 hours a week) you do this job to be with the dogs. it is a way of life - not a job!

motto: if you want a job with 9 to 5 rules then get a job with 9 to 5 hours!

Oh, I forgot, 3 matinees a week in the afternoon (1:30 to 4:30) - so you can't go home a take a nap!

I AM THE ONLY PERSON IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO GAIN WEIGHT AFTER A COLONOSCOPY

GRRR.....

IT IS SO FRUSTRATING! I GAINED 7 LBS. YESTERDAY!

WHEN A NORMAL PERSON PURGES THEIR SYSTEM FOR A COLONOSCOPY THEY USUALLY EXPERIENCE A WEIGHT LOSS. NOT SO FOR ME. IT IS BASICALLY A ONE DAY FAST IN ADDITION TO FORCING ALL THE EXCESS WEIGHT FROM YOUR COLON.

HOW COULD YOU NOT LOSE WEIGHT? EVEN IF IT IS JUST A COUPLE OF POUNDS. THAT IS ONE OF THE SILVER LININGS IN THE CLOUD OF THE COLONOSCOPY AFTERALL.

I COULD TELL THE PILLS WERE SODIUM BASED JUST FROM THE TASTE. THEY TASTE LIKE LITTLE, POWERFUL SALT BLOCKS. BUT I THOUGHT, "it's just a pill, how much salt can it be?" WELL IT MUCH BE ALOT BECAUSE I GAINED 7 LBS.

TODAY I AM BLOATED JUST LIKE THE MICHELIN MAN!

I AM DISGUSTED.

I HAD JUST STARTED TO LOSE THE WEIGHT THAT THE PREDNISONE PUT ON ME. IN FACT IT WAS RIGHT AROUND 7 LBS. THAT I HAD LOST. WELL, IT DIDN'T TAKE ME LONG TO FIND IT. I'LL PROBABLY GAIN MORE OVER THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND IT WILL TAKE ANOTHER FEW WEEKS FOR IT TO FALL BACK OFF.

IT'S A LOSING BATTLE

Announcing the Formation of the West Virginia Brown Dog Society

Thursday, April 15, 2010

The West Virginia Brown Dog Society

I would like to announce the formation of "The West Virginia Brown Dog Society".

This is a wonderful breed of dog native to southern West Virginia and treasured by all who have the privilege to just be around one. If you want more information about these dogs just let me know. I have personal access and I can get you one.

These dogs are loyal, loving and they adore kids and other animals. They are medium sized (about knee high). Not to mention the fact that they are brown although there are occasionally spots on some of them.

Each dog will come with a numbered certificate of authenticity so that you know you have the real McCoy! Of course the AKC doesn't recognize the breed but that is part of its charm.

Get one now before they are gone!

Some of you are already members of the WVBDS, this is an open invitation to the rest of you to join our group. The only requirement is that you must love dogs.

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

One time I was doing a home visit for my job. I pulled up to a house and it looked like no one was home even though I had an appointment to be there. I went up to the door and I knocked and waited. It was as I thought, no one was there. I turned around to walk back down the stairs off of the porch and a rather large hound dog appeared. He was growling and obviously not pleased that I was there.

I stopped dead in my tracks!

At about the same time I froze in place, I heard another growl. This one was off to my left on the porch. I slowly looked sideways. careful to move only my eyes and not my head and sure enough. there was another hound dog. He was just as upset at my presence as the first one and he was just as big. I now had 2 growling dogs on each side of me.

I was in a pickle!

As I stood there contemplating my course of action, the 2 dogs continued to growl. I slowly positioned myself so that I did not have my back to either one and decided to stare at the ground. I gathered my courage and started to ease down the stairs. One by one, never looking up at the dogs, I creeped down those stairs. I was sure that at any second one of them was going to launch himself at my throat and then they both would proceed to maul me.

Fortunately this did not happen.

I kept my back to the bannister as long as I could and then I slowly started to back myself to my car. When I finally made it to my car, I said a prayer of thanks to God. In all my years of working with dogs, that is the closest I ever came to being attacked!

I never went back to that house.

Colonoscopy is Over

It was just as I suspected, the worst part is the preparation. I have to say the propofal was the best part. For that 20 or 30 seconds before I went out like a light I was on top of the world. Then I woke up and everything was over.

I dare say if I could afford to pay a doctor $150,000 a month I could persuade him to keep me in that delicate balance just before sleep set in. When I woke up I was about as groggy as I usually am so that wasn't a big deal and it wore off in a matter of minutes.

They found a polyp and removed it. They sent it off but the doctor said he didn't anticipate any problems. He said barring any problems he would see me in 5 years. The 5 years is because my aunt had colon cancer, if it hadn't been for that he would have seen me back in 10 years.

The only bad news I got was the first thing he said is that I needed to cut back on citrus fruit and tomatoes. Since I hardly ever eat citrus I assume that he wants me to cut back on my beloved tomatoes. I rarely go a day without eating them. Now I'm trying to decide if my level of discomfort is enough to stop eating them...I think not, but we'll see.

Oh Joy, I Get to Start Prep for Colonoscopy Today

I am having a colonoscopy and endoscopy tomorrow. That means I'm getting ready to get reamed at both ends. Actually I had one years ago, so I know that the prep is the worst part. I hated drinking that stuff so bad that I requested the pills this time. Most people don't know you can do it with pills. My mom's a nurse so that's how I know about it.

This morning I'll have a normal breakfast and then it's nothing but clear broth for the rest of the day. I can have all the juice, coffee, tea and lemonade that I want. Since I usually drink Crystal Light then that part is not a problem. I can also have popcycles, jello (no red) and applesauce. I am prepared.

I am wondering now what I am going to have for my last meal? ....until tomorrow that is.

At 3pm I start the first round of pills: 4 pills every 15 minutes with 8 oz. of water. Then I drink 12 oz. of ginger ale.

Then at 6pm, I'll repeat the process for a total of 32 pills.

I guess I'll spend my evening parked on the old commode! I'll be squeaky clean in the mornin'

both inside and out!

I don't expect they'll find anything. It's a routine thing since I'm turning 50 this year. I have an aunt that had colon cancer so they want to screen for that reason as well. I have had some bleeding issues but I think that is due to the stress the medication puts on my stomach. I have all kinds of meds to settle my stomach and I can't take most pain meds, muscle relaxers or allergy medicines.

Thanks to Sherry, she's taking me to the hospital at 6 am and picking me it up when it's over. My friend, Susan, will stay during the procedure. They require somebody stay there the whole time you are under sedation. Susan doesn't drive, so Sherry kindly offerred to give us a ride each way....DING,DING,DING! There goes the alarm for the good deed alert this week!

Normally Eddie would have accompanied me but I am distancing myself from him now. He was furious when he found out I had someone else to help me. He said I was just doing it to hurt him, that 's the furthest thing from my mind right now, although he's going to be even more furious when he has to find someone else to accompany him to his appointments.

We had a good thing going and he had to go and mess it up. Oh well, people move on and that's life.

On the funny side the reason I didn't ask my mom to accompany me is because she lives an hour away in Logan. The last time she was supposed to come there was a bad snow storm and she couldn't make it. They almost wouldn't perform the procedure but I told them she was caught in the storm and was on her way. When she didn't make it at the end, I told them I didn't know where she was and I had no way to call her.

Even though I live only about a mile from the hospital they wouldn't let me drive home. They made a nurse stay until a cab came to pick me up. When I got into the cab I asked him what the minimum fare was and he said, "2." So I paid him $2 to drive me to the hospital parking lot and drove myself home.