Sunday, February 20, 2011

Things I Write in the Middle of the Night

I awoke completely defeated

are these memories woven into a dream

there was the twitch

the twitch that came when he was trying to be convincing and he knew he was failing

a twitch that took over his lip, his eye, his face, his head

fear caused me to pant which he took as excitement and increased his ministrations

I face him, I hoped I would never see him again

There he was looking at me lovingly with those eyes

knowing I didn't want him but convincing himself it wasn't true

his love won

a gentle whisper forced another dream

grateful it wasn't real this time

I recognize this place of fear

I have been here before

They cheated him but they blamed him in their greed

money justifys so much

dirt stained hands smell of sweat

so happy to see me as he blocks my escape

I hate you

I love you

The pressure to yield as he loves me

overwhelms me

he can't grasp my fear is greater than my love as he ever so gently raped me

I went to another place of disbelief

desperation building in his face

the hard, cool ground beneath me

his face haunts me

I can see the love, the confusion, the drugs, it's all there

the desperation as he moved toward me

intimidating but so gentle

I can't breath

fear is my only comfort

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