My Night Out Against Crime Began With My Keys Being Stolen

...they were stolen because of my forgetfulness. Which is beside the point but at least the considerate (but stupid) thief left my truck key and my apartment key.
I went downstairs to buy a pepsi and eat my leftover chinese for breakfast. I went on outside to enjoy said breakfast before the heat of the day made it impossible to go outside. As I was enjoying my morning and watching the other residents come and go, Vera came out and asked if I had perhaps lost my keys.   I knew the second she asked that of course I had, so I jumped up and thanked her and retrieved my keys and sat back down to enjoy my morning once more.  Grateful the whole time that no one had stolen my keys.
I went to go back into the building and when I went to swipe my fob...no fob!  Some sun of a beetch had stolen my fob right off my keyring and I couldn't get back into the building.  Fortunately somebody must have seen me fumbling around and buzzed me in.  (there is a camera in the lobby and we can watch people come and go on camera....fun stuff actually.
Then I realized that I couldn't get on the elevator for another 20 minutes because as an added security feature in our building between 8 pm and 8 am you have to come to the lobby to let someone come up to your apartment so you have to swipe the same fob to get the elevator to work as you do to get the front lobby door to open.
So I decided to go into the television room and watch a little tv and wait for the elevator to unlock itself.  That's when I discovered my thief had also stolen the key to the tv room as well as to the laundry room and the public restroom!  Now I was really on fire because I didn't know if the thief had stolen the laundry room key or my apartment key which actually look identical on the keyring.
Once I gained access to the elevator I found out I had my apartment key.  So once again I was relieved that at least I could get into my apartment and they had not stolen my truck.  Talk about a pisser, I can just imagine sitting there enjoying my breakfast and watching my own truck drive right past me.
What the idiot thief also didn't realize that I had left my keys lying on the table in the Lobby in full view of the camera.  They had removed the fob and the laundry room key and politely left my apartment key and truck key on the table all in full view of the camera.  Also the fob can be tracked and they can tell who is using it once I report it missing...Ed also can deactivate it but only after he uses it to catch the perpetrator.
Then last night our building was having a get together to observe National Night Out Against Crime.  We were supposed to have some of those 6 foot long subs from Subway.  Wouldn't you just know that right before Ed got there to pick them up some "young, black, female" told them she was there from Lee Terrace and STOLE OUR SUBS!
It's all comical in it's irony!