I Walked 3 Flights of Stairs Today

I won't be doing it again alone for awhile, I can tell you that. I still came out of it pretty quickly after I got on my breathing machine.

I am going to do it again tomorrow but I will have someone with me because I couldn't get any closer to passing out if I tried. Since my recovery time was so good though, I WILL do it under supervision next time.

The sad part is it was just a couple of years ago that I would have trotted up that many stairs without thinking about it. One time when my dad was in the hospital I pulled up and there was a fire alarm going off. I knew if they needed to evacuate patients they wouldn't have enough staff, so I hit the stairs and started running for the 5th. floor. I had to actually stop and rest after the third floor and I couldn't figure out why. I know now that it was one of the early indicators of my heart going bad, I just didn't know it at the time.

When I was at Ohio State, I lived on the 20th. floor. I used to go to the bottom level of the bassement (there were 3 levels) and then I would run 23 floors back to my room. Of course it was hard but it was definitely doable for me. What gets me is people were telling me at the time I was too fat. I wish I was the size now that I was then. I think I wore a size 11 jeans and an extra small top. It was my big hiner that had people telling me I was too fat. I had a J-Lo butt years before she did!

I Declare Lauren the Winner of American Idol!

Is It REALLY Necessary?

I have been watching female softball pitchers lately. They are still pitching the same way they did a generation ago. I know this because I was a softball player.

I wonder if it is really necessary for a female to do that roundhouse windup when she pitches?

I know that it used to be but girls aren't raised like they were even a generation ago, as we were raised differently from our mothers. Many girls are true athletes from a young age. Two generations ago girls just dabbled in sports. In my generation a concerted effort was made to get girls involved. Title nine was passed when I was in grade school. They told us it would make a huge difference in women's sports...and it has. I can tell a trememdous difference in today's female athletes.

I'm thinking that this one last throwback in women's pitching isn't necessary. Girls don't naturally throw that way. They pretty much throw the same way guys do until somebody tells them, "hey, you're a girl. You have to do it like this."

Maybe it is time to change the way female pitchers pitch.

I wonder if this means I have matured or something?

I have never made it a secret that I'm hard to get along with. My close friends will tell you the same thing in a heartbeat and the reason I know they are close is because the will tell ME that in a heartbeat as well. I've been on one of my downward spirals lately and Eddie and Necia were suffering because of it. For once I was able to recognize what I was doing and I apologized to both of them today. They accepted because that is what friends do.

The only other friend I have like that is my friend, Kathy. She is my stable pony, she has a calming influence on me. This week we have been friends for 11 years. We will celebrate by exchanging a "bead" that we are both currently addicted to.

I have had longer friendships in my life but they were always based on what drugs they could get for me and what drugs I could get for them. Once I quit doing them the the friendships just kind of withered away. I don't regret those friendships, they were just based on something different than what I base my friendships on now.

Then there were my childhood friendships. Do those fade for everyone as well or just me? I think everyone. I believe that is why marriages don't last anymore. When marriage was first instituted in the beginning of time people only lived 25 or 30 years. Now we live well into our 70's and beyond for the most part. The things you need when you are young are generally different from what you need when you are older. Some people make it but I think most people just change too much.

I am finished being reflective.

Uncle Don Was A Hero!

Everybody has a crazy uncle and mine was my Uncle Don. I loved Don. He never wore a shirt because he was built like that guy on the back of the comic book who would kick sand in the dweeby guys face. He wasn't mean though, that is just what he looked like and that was in the 60's before men started juicing. He just came by it naturally.

He and my dad used to play checkers for each other's wives. Don never had any money so Edna was all he had to bet. (that was a joke before some of you go nuts over that) He loved animals and kids and always had a joke to tell.

One time he got caught having an affair with the neighbors wife. Her husband came home from work early and found Don hiding in the closet. Don took off running and hit the creek to get away from William. William took a shot at him and shot his finger off. When Don would tell the story he would say, "he shot me like a dirty dog, he did!" Then he would chortle with laughter. It never occured to him to be embarrassed, I don't think.

One time, Little man (Don's oldest son) bet the guys at school that Don was so strong he could lift the house up. Don didn't want to disappoint so he stapled his fingers to the house in an effort to give himself more traction. Unfortunately it didn't help. He did make a pretty penny betting people he could pick up the Volkswagon though. He was known for his strength.

Don was a hero. When he found out one of his daughters was dealing with an abusive husband, he IMMEDIATELY solved the problem. He marched into her house and told her to leave with the kids. He educated her husband in the proper treatment of women. She never had to fool with that man again, except to get a divorce.

As an adult I made a trip back to WV from Florida one time. I decided to stop and see my aunt and uncle. Even though they were divorced, he lived in a trailer behind the house. I ran up and hugged him when I saw him because it had been years. He was thrilled to see me. However, his girlfriend wasn't thrilled about it. (she was my age and had never seen me) She stood there bitching and we just laughed and totally ignored her. That was his way.

I went to see him when he was dying of cancer. He was so sick that he couldn't speak but he held my hand and let me know he was glad I had come to see him. I was glad that I had that chance to say goodbye.

Things I've Learned Over the Years

1. Just because the bottle says perfume - DOES NOT MEAN IT SMELLS GOOD!

2. Big dicks hurt

3. Little dicks don't get the job done (although a good man knows how to compensate)

4. If something smells bad - DON'T STICK IT UNDER MY NOSE AND SAY "SMELL THIS". I promise I will take your word for it!

5. Don't have sex in the snow...it takes a long time for a 5 foot popsicle to thaw.

6. If you use a pen and it doesn't write - throw it in the trash can- don't put it back.

7. If you see me on the highway - get the hell out of my way!!! (I cuss everybody who has the audacity to be in front of me. It is great stress relief. However it is highly embarassing when somebody notices you doing it - hehe)

8. Go ahead and say what everybody else is thinking - they will thank you for it later (usually)

9. It usually takes more energy to figure out ways to get out of doing something than to just go ahead and do it.

10. Everybody wants to help, until they have to contribute time or effort or money.

11. A little kindness goes a long way, however if you want to get the job done quickly then being a bitch works so much better.

WHILE THE REST OF YOU ARE TRYING HARD TO BE A BITCH...I AM TRYING HARD NOT TO BE ONE!

Invasion of the Crabs!

This was one of the most terror filled moments of my life!

Bobby and I had gone to Florida for a vacation after a truck had run over my foot. I was either on crutches or sitting with my foot propped up on ice the whole time. We were in Melbourne, Florida visiting my dad and it just so happenned that for some reason thousands of crabs had decided to beach themselves. There were so many crabs that you couldn't drive down the road without running over hundreds of them. There was no way to miss them there were so many.

They weren't quite so bad in the afternoon so Bobby and I decided to venture to the beach. When we walked out onto the beach there were no crabs to be seen anywhere. By the time I made my way to the water (on crutches) the crabs had started to make an appearance. It didn't take long before we decided to leave the beach. I have had a long standing phobia for my whole life about crabs pinching my toes.

As I made my way across the beach the crabs started to converge towards me. Moving across the Florida sand on crutches is not an easy task and it took me some time to cross the beach. I had not quite made it to the brushy woods that were between the beach and the car when there were so many crabs that I could go no further.

I was screaming for Bobby to help me. I was getting hysterical with my tears that I was so afraid of those crabs. Bobby had to pick me up and carry me (and my crutches). Every which way he would turn the crabs would run away but the crabs on all the other sides would make a mad dash for us. He would turn one way (with me in his arms) and stomp his feet and yell. No sooner would he do that than the other crabs would race at us and he would have to turn another way and stomp his feet and yell.

He confessed after he finally got us out of the mess that he didn't know if we were going to make it out of there.