Sunday, October 30, 2011

How I died

I was driving along the rural roads of West Virginia enjoying a beautiful fall day. All of a sudden my tire blew out. The force of the explosion nearly sent me over the side of the mountain but I managed to maintain control and get my car safely to a wide spot beside the road.

I sat there a minute thinking about my predicament. In the past I would have just jumped out and changed the tire but my heart condition was making this minor problem a major ordeal. I knew I had no choice. I had to change the tire, I just needed to make sure that I took my time and took plenty of breaks.

I went around to the passenger side of my truck and reached behind the seat to undo the toggle that held the tire iron and jack in place. Then I went to the back of the truck to find the hole in the bumper so I could start to loosen the spare tire underneath the truck. After only a couple of turns I had to rest. I dropped the tailgate and plopped down on it.

"Jeez, this is going to take forever." I thought to myself. I looked around, wishing that I had just stayed home. "Who cares about fall leaves. I can see them just as easy out the window," I chastised myself. Things were not looking good. After a few minutes I got up and started to turn the tire iron again. Again I was too tired to go on after only a few turns. As I leaned against the bed of the truck I saw a man rounding the curve.

"I hope this is a good, ole boy I thought to myself." I straightened myself up so that I at least looked like a human being instead of the ragged mess that I felt like. As he got close to the truck he saw my tire and he smiled at me.

"Could ya use some help," he asked?

"Yes, I sure could." I smiled back at him. "I am so glad you came along when you did."

"Yeah, you could've been here all day waitin' on somebody to come by," he said.

"Oh no I wouldn't," I said. "I was going to change it myself. I just have to take my time, that's all."

"No need for that," he said, "I'll have it changed in a jiffy." He proceeded to change the tire while we talked about the weather, the leaves and such. In a few minutes he was finished. He threw the tire the back and said, "Well, I'll see you later. Have a nice day."

"Wait," I said. "Can I give you a ride? It's the least I can do after you changed my tire for me."

"That's alright." He said. "I just live around the next curve."

"Well jump in," I said. "I'd feel much better if you let me drop you off."

He got in the truck and we started down the road. Around the next curve was a road that turned to the left. "Just let me out here," he told me, "I live at the end of that road." Of course I didn't listen. I immediately turned down the dirt road that was so rutted that I had to ease my way along. It was nothing out of the ordinary for this neck of the woods though.

I made my way along that dirt road for about a half a mile when we came to a dead end. There was no house. No nothing. Just an illegal trash dump that stunk to high heaven. Alarm bells started going off in my head. I knew I was in trouble. I rammed the gear into reverse just as he slammed his left forearm into my face.

I jammed my foot against the gas and flung the truck around as hard as I could flinging him against his door of the truck. It threw him off balance just enough that it made him let up just a little wiht his punches. I could feel myself fading. I knew my only hope was to build up enough speed to make him afraid that we would wreck.

As I rammed the gear to go forward I saw him take a knife out of his pocket and I threw my arm up as he sliced down and cut my forearm. I still had my foot rammed against the gas as we were building up speed! The truck careened forward and bounced crazily from side to side on the ridges in that stupid dirt road!

"YOU BITCH! STOP!" He screamed at me and he went to cut me again. But I drove the truck into the nearest tree making sure that the brunt of the impact was on his side of the truck. The air bags deployed.

It didn't matter. We were both dead, but at least I took him with me and I spent eternity making him one miserable ghost.

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