I was carding a kid last night for cigarettes and he actually looked at me and said, "I don't need ID, I am the king!"
My reply was, "well king, you're dealing with the queen! Now whip out that ID!"
He laughed and promptly produced it with no problem. At least there was a little humor in the transaction.
When you hear a customer's music blaring from their car stereo before they even come in the store, it is a guaranteed blunt sale.
customer: I'll have a single.
cashier: We don't have marrieds, however we do sell family packs!
(for those of you who don't know, a blunt cigar is referred to as a single)
customer: Do you sell blunt wraps?
cashier: No, our blunts don't get cold!
Unfortunately we now sell blunt wraps so I can't use that line anymore.
customer: I'll take 2 marlboro in a box.
cashier: do you want me to take the other 18 out?
For those of you who don't know there are 20 cigarettes in a pack.
This freaks them out everytime I do this: A customer hands me a $50 and asks, "can you break this?"
"Yes," I say, and then I rip it in half!
Most of them kind of choke on the spot. 
I just tape it up and give them their change.
Dumb customer questions: When you get the Sunday Paper?
Smart cashier answer: "uhh, Sunday." 
Dumbest customer question ever: Where does your milk come from?
The only correct answer: "a cow."
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