Thursday, March 27, 2014

What Really Happens When You are Dying - damnpamn's Blog - Blogster

What Really Happens When You are Dying - damnpamn's Blog - Blogster

At some point most people ask themselves
what they would do if they knew they were dying.  The answer is not what
you may think.  People dream of doing the stuff on their bucket, daredevil stunts or maybe making sure loved ones know you
love them.  That's not what happens to most people.

Most people
run into a wall real fast.  It's called finances.  You can't travel if
you don't have money (at least if you don't want to backpack across
America or something along those lines).  If you do have money then you
run into other problems.   I assume most people who know they are dying
have medical issues.  Usually these medical issues involve a whole host
of physical symptoms which preclude travel or being a death defying

Everything becomes a chore because you get weak.  Even
driving gets to the point where it is hard.  Travel is hard if you have
to schlep oxygen canisters everywhere you go.  Then there are
considerations of bodily secretions that were never an issue  from the
necessity of keeping a restroom nearby because of fluid pills to the
entire forests worth of tissues you use because you can't stop spitting
up "stuff".  There are new diet demands because something as simple as
too much salt can wreak havoc on you.  And God forbid you miss a dose of
medicine and end up back in the hospital AGAIN.

Family and
friends actually abandon you.  It makes them uncomfortable to be around
someone who isn't the person they used to be.  They say things like you
are too young to be this sick....well tell my body that why don't you? 
And oh yeah, I'll alert all my doctors and tell them what you think
about the situation.  You reach out because you think that the one
bright spot to being unable to work any longer is that you will have the
time to spend with people you care about that you never had before
because you were always working.  But generally there is rejection at
every turn.  People think you are coming around because you want
something.  They don't understand that all you want is to spend time
with them...afterall you never did before.  Or some will hang out with
you for awhile but then dying takes longer than they think it should and
they go on with their lives and just kinda "forget" about you.

there is the battle to get SS disability.  I'm sure they make it so
hard because they want you to die so they don't have to pay you
anything.  I was told when I was first diagnosed with heart failure that
Social Security was pretty much automatic.  It still took 9 months to
get approved.  If you are someone with disability insurance then
generally it only pays about 1/10th of whatever wages you were getting
so you better have been getting some damn good wages for it to support
you.  The good part is you can still work and make money with Social
Security Disability up to a certain point...then you get too weak to
work and you have to make it on Disability payments while listening to
people comment about you sucking the system dry - even though you paid
into it for your whole life.

There there is medicare and
medicaid.  You have to navigate those waters so your doctors will get
paid - even if it is less than they usually get but that's why they jack
up your bills in the beginning so they can make up for the shortfall. 
And most doctors don't care if you are dying, they aren't going to see
you if you can't pay them and you can't pay them if you can't work.

feels decadent to get out and enjoy a sunny day.  My idea of being bad
is a Pepsi and a bag of potato chips or a hot dog because they are so
loaded with salt and chemicals they cause problems all on their own. 
You can't drink alcoholic beverages because of medications and if you
try you generally get sick or react to it in a way that is in no way
fun.  There is the benefit of the "free buzz".  Most of my heart meds
have a label on them that they cause dizziness...and they do..out of

 Sometimes you just gotta go with the flow.

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